How many times have you found yourself stuck in the dilemma of fleeing away or fighting back after being in an intense situation? How many times the phrase “We need to talk/I want to ask you something” has made your heart skip a beat or made you experience the drowning/sinking feel except for you’re not actually under the waves of a ferocious and wild ocean? Well, I heard your answer. Confrontation may have a multiple of meanings but what I am referring to here is a situation where two or more parties having opposite opinion, perspectives, and ideas about a certain issue; are brought face-to-face and are made to sit and have the “talk”. It is not as simple and easy as it sounds. If you’re anyone like me then you’d definitely hate conflicts and you would do anything to avoid arguments with someone even if you have to compromise on your convictions, perspective and opinions.

Day before yesterday, one of my very closest friends from high school messaged me on WhatsApp after it was midnight. This friend and I had not spoken to each other for four years until then because we ended up on an abrupt and absurd point in our friendship. This friend and I had been so close before we ended, and now it was almost as if we didn’t exist for each other. She was someone in my contact list whom I never talked to, and had no idea about her whereabouts, she was someone I just remembered was a part of my life, once. So her “Hey!” had already made me feel thirsty, sweaty and all uncomfortable. While she was trying to build up the conversation by talking about random things I was dying inside and prayed that she was not up to having the “talk” and that my phone’s battery somehow dies so that I get an escape but it was not one of the luckiest day for me after all. I was not ready to confront her after all this long. I was disturbed as to why did she come back in my peaceful and smooth going life. However, deep down inside I always wanted this to happen. Later, she called me and I HAD to confront her. Since we were connected via a call, we did not have anything to distract us. We argued/discussed for close to three hours.  She asked me why did I do whatever I did. I told her my reasons and she listened. I asked the reasons behind her actions and she showed me the situation from her side and that made sense to me that night. We discovered some undiscovered avenues from past that we did not know then because we didn’t talk about them maybe because we were too young or too scared. Since we did not have the “talk”, these untold and unheard facts led to misunderstanding.By the end, my armpits were sweaty, my mouth was dry, and I was emotionally exhausted, but we had worked it out.

Surprisingly, this whole exercise was not that horrifying or hard as I had assumed it to be. In fact, it was much liberating. Confronting a person releases you from the burden of the situation. Tense circumstances tend to loom over us and cast a shadow on the rest of our lives.  Getting it over with frees you from the spectre of the confrontation . What’s more interesting that once you confront someone, your trust in them and vice versa, develops or reinstates because the participants are true to one and other. And that’s how you may gain or reinstate the confidence and faith in each other, leading to have a sense of honesty in the relationship. As a result, you may experience intimacy more than ever in your relationship that may just deepen your relationship. 

If you reflect upon your life, you must have found yourself chickening out from an intense situation, several a times but you see that’s not the right way of going about it. Naturally, it seems easier to flee away from the issue/argument and hope that by doing so, the matter rests by itself. Frankly, that’s not how it works. Although it might be considered wise to take a break if emotions are running high, for most everyday confrontations emotions flare up and die down pretty quickly. But that does not by any means, mean that it’s OKAY to not confront at all. Because let’s be real, bad news cannot get better with time. Bad news on Tuesday is still bad news on Thursday or whenever you get to it.

While we must be careful about our timing. It’s not very considerate to confront someone when they’re already stressed about another situation. Waiting to talk to that person as if the discussion will be less stressful at a later point is a myth. Hard conversations are hard. Waiting to have them won’t make them any easier. Sometimes, we are just too afraid to face the music just because we think we can’t maintain the sanctity of the relationship otherwise or that if we confronted then that will be the end/demise of the relationship or that we think by having the talk we may put our relationship on risk and stake. But guess what, it is not any better otherwise. Think as if you have nothing to lose and just confront.

In my opinion, the worse that we do to our relationship is that we dust every problem under the rug and never look back on it. The dirt keeps on piling up making the entire thing stink. Whereas what we fail to understand is, in reality, the relationship is worth risking for the sake of truth. Trust me when I say, it eventually gets better if you talk about the problem. It’s not like if you don’t talk and pretend that everything is okay would smell less stale. The dirt will still be there.

From what I’ve experienced, I think hadn’t I confronted her I would not have felt lighter at that point in time. The misunderstanding created by the communication gap wouldn’t have been cleared out. We might have had to die with having our hearts filled with hatred for each other without even having a solid reason. Therefore, it’s an open plea to everyone reading this, talk about your issues with your loved ones before it’s too late. If the relationship is more important and valuable to you as compared to your individual insecurities and ego, just confront.