Recently, I have read many posts on social and digital media regarding the following Quranic order about beating the women.
"Men are the maintainers of women because Allah has made some of them to excel others and because they spend out of their property; the good women are therefore obedient, guarding the unseen as Allah has guarded; and (as to) those on whose part you fear desertion, admonish them, and leave them alone in the sleeping-places and beat them; then if they obey you, do not seek a way against them; surely Allah is High, Great." - Quran (4:34)
In the light of Hadith, various religious scholars have further explained it as ‘beating gently’.
My limited knowledge doesn’t allow me to suggest anything from religious point of view as such but I can interpret it on symbolic grounds according to my poor discretion. In fact the social media posts against “Halka phulka tashaddad” and the hue and cry about beating the women without paying any consideration to the fact that the Quranic order suggests that “beating thing” in case of infidelity on part of a wife seem absolutely meaningless to me. I am equally surprised to observe that the feminists, anti-Islamic propagandists and people interested in spreading rumors have made it a burning issue. Before I begin to interpret the “tashaddad” on symbolic grounds, I consider it pertinent to mention that I am going to give a point of view which may be right or wrong and I am open to discussion.
I am simply unable to understand how many of the feminists and workers for women rights have in this case remained unable to think that the picture is bright and there is no dark side actually to this order. It probably has become a trend to make fun of and criticize the preaching of Islam in general and Muslims in particular. However, I am not a right person to give a religious sermon with references, so I am going to discuss the matter as well as Allah’s order in this verse regarding “beating” on very psychological, emotional and symbolic grounds.
“Beat” can make us imagine a woman being thrashed day in and day out or on the opposite being struck gently with a handkerchief, or let’s say a flower. Doesn’t it seem inviting? If the word can be interpreted with varied degree of intensity, then why not go for the mild and gently level in order to avoid trouble any further? Moreover, there is a difference in striking with a hand and a fingertip or a stick and a flower.
Think of the Punjabi song "Ik phul motiay da maar ke jaga sohniay". Now think of "maarna" (only in case of a women who is not sexually attracted to her husband/ is not willing to have a sexual contact/ is attracted to someone else). It's not actual beating; in fact, it's striking her very gently with a handkerchief or a cap or anything light in order to appeal her. Let me delve deep into the symbolic aspect. Cap signifies a man's honor and pride; just like dupatta/chaadar signifies a woman's honor in the Muslim culture (Let me be specific to the so called "beaten community"). Handkerchief too can signify protection and care. Therefore, striking her gently with something light is like attracting her to yourself. It’s an assertion of a husband’s concern for his wife, their mutual relationship as well as their next generation. It's a very romantic and sexually appealing act with very positive heart-touching connotations. What a beautiful gesture God is asking a man to give. A woman who is committing the soul-shattering act of infidelity is being suggested to be treated through striking gently. It in fact is in women's favor. Is it not nice to see a man making an effort for his wife in order to save the relationship?
Infidelity has proved to be the worst trauma a human being can experience in a relationship. God wants a husband to make some effort to appeal his wife. Let's say the wife is cheating on the husband, then compared to the crime and sin on psychological and religious grounds she is committing, this punishment is actually very mild.
Religion again wants a husband to be gentle. God could say, beat her with a number of lashes, that number of stones or eye for eye, ear for ear etc but He didn’t. If beating was the solution, He could order to beat her till she dies and would never have suggested ‘divorce’ as another solution, even though a disapproved solution.
We are inherently monogamous because we expect and want exclusivity, singularity and primacy in relationships. If not, how else to explain the catastrophic, indescribable, and heart-wrenching pain caused when a partner discovers that his or her spouse has been unfaithful? Numerous studies find and exhibit that of all the traumas experienced in life, the pain of finding that a spouse has been unfaithful ranks among the highest. This kind of emotional pang and suffering demonstrates that we are innately programmed to expect faithfulness in a relationship. The issue of infidelity is not ordinary by any means; therefore, the word ‘beat’ should not seem odd or irrelevant.
Human nature needs nurturing in order to create a peaceful society; and in order to nurture, punishment can be used as an instrument. If we believe in the “hereafter” then we should be very clear about the concepts of “deeds”, “rewards” and “punishments”; and if we understand these concepts then this “tashaddad” should not be considered a torture. In all developed countries, there is a proper system of law and order where the wrongdoers are made to compensate and are penalized if needed. There is peace in developed countries due to this law and order. On the domestic level, violation of certain rules can severely damage the relationship and infidelity can be one of them. Then why has this “beating” become an issue on international level?
How can a religion that preaches taking care of animal rights and walking gently on the earth be so ruthless as would suggest such a thing as beating wives? Let’s not make this “beating” a pretext to ridicule Islam and a reason for some uncouth men to actually smash their wives. Let’s focus on the beauty of the verse and promote peace.