LAHORE: In ‘good’ old times, marriages were determined by the skies, now they are determined by the will of the married and the courts.
According to the official data, there were 13,299 Khula cases reported in Punjab in 2012, which later went up to 14, 243 in 2013. In 2014 it was raised to 16,942 and afterward in 2016 the rate increased to 18,901. The huge increase in Khula rate has many reasons including economic, emotional, awareness in women, outer interference in married life and many more.
“Women do not want to take verbal abuse these days, let alone physical abuse. If they do not want to compromise anymore, they opt for Khula and end their suffering,” said Sadia Humayun, a human rights activist. Most of the Khula cases reported have the reason of limited economic resources: the husbands, despite being the bread earners of the family, do not support their families or many become drug addicts and beat their wives. “Sometimes women are not given money at all to run the household let alone being given pocket money by their husbands. Also domestic abuse prevails when economic needs are not met properly,” Sadia said education has played an important role in creating among women regarding their basic rights. “They tell their parents of the miseries of their lives if their marriage does not work out properly. Earlier that was not the case,” she said.
Rashida Khan, a 25-year old woman from Lahore, said she suffered intensely from her husband’s irrevocably dominant and abusive nature. She was verbally abused to the extent that she went under severe clinical depression for which she later got treatment for a year. Her husband lived abroad and it was over the phone that she got tortured. She said the pressure was too intense that when the phone bell rang, she would hyperventilate with fear since she had to give clarification of everything which happened in the course of the day. “My in-laws used to interfere in the marriage too; they would lie to my husband about things which broke the trust in our marriage. I could not express it to my parents since a woman is expected to endure such ‘subtle’ issues in her married life and needs to compromise,” Rashida said.
Later when she could not afford the abuse any more, she broke down and told her family. She took Khula, consequently. “Our society is generally comprised of joint family system where the in-laws interfere in one’s marriage as much as they can, which disturbs the married couple and brings complications in their relationship,” said Sadia.
When filed for divorce, the couple has to prove certain reasons for the divorce. For instance, when it is filed on the basis of abuse, the reason usually cannot be proved, hence the court dissolves the case. “As compared to Marriage Dissolution Act of 1939, Khula is an easier process of separation, in view of the fact that divorce is a tedious process. It takes only three months to take Khula, which is one of the reasons for it and the woman does not have to prove any reason; the reason could be as vague as her not liking her husband’s features, she has the right to ask for Khula,” said Sheraz Zaka, advocate Sessions Court, who deals in divorce cases. Certain solutions could be helpful in attending to this ‘problem’ in Pakistan. More understanding between the couple and less outer interference in their marriage would lead the couple to negotiate more and help each other in harsh times, which could save their marriage from dying.
“Marriage counseling courses should be given to couples for understanding each other’s personalities, mainly in arranged marriages, so that they get to know how to handle each other. Family decision making shall be split between the husband and the wife, since a husband’s decision on what should his wife wear, how should she behave and how should she lead her life etc. belittles her and makes her feel ignorant,” Sadia said. There has to be understanding, honesty and respect in a relationship, otherwise it would only hurt the two parties and make their lives miserable. Even if they seek advice, the couple should not wait till the water passes under the bridge and later there is no benefit in reconciliation and arbitration.