Though Lahore is supposed to be undergoing a winter, and some of the sniffles said that it has, global warming is being blamed for the lack of bite. Or more specifically, for the winter rains, of which there was only one. The rains last week are not really winter rains, and are actually spring rains, even though they forced a few carefully selected winter woollies out of the hiding places in which they had been thrust by the same housewives who were frantically doing the pulling. Frankly, that is one of the rituals of the all too brief spring we have, housewives not knowing what the members of the household should wear. Global warming is supposed to be responsible for a lot of the sins of the 21st century, but the absence of spring and winter is not one of them. With this happening right before us, we cannot really understand the meaning of the Spring Festival being held. Are we celebrating something that doesnt happen? Or are we celebrating the lives previously sacrificed? Either way, maybe the Jashn-i-Baharan has entered the same category of meaningless celebrations as Ayub Khans Decade of Progress. However, Ive got other worries. She Whose Word Is Law has gone on a diet. When She goes on a diet, it doesnt mean She eats less. It means that I will have to go on a diet soon. And not just a diet, but one in which bread and roti are substituted by brown bread, which tastes like cardboard. Already, She is using brown bread if Im watching. Im not allowed to watch her stuff her face with rotis, which She does at night. You see, it doesnt count if no one is watching. Ive tried to tell her She doesnt need to lose weight. But she is so dismissive of my opinion I not only subside, but join her. However, one person I will not join is Prime Minister Yousuf Reza Gilani, who was dismissive of the lady in Quetta who gave birth in a rickshaw which had been halted on its way to hospital by the Presidents motorcade. The PM was not impressed. After all, he said, his sister-in-law was born in a car. And presumably his wife never allowed him to forget it. And he said that he had been born in Karachi. Presumably that was when his late father, Syed Alamdar Gilani, was a federal minister. That was pretty routine, though one can imagine the hullabaloo that must have accompanied a ministers wife giving birth, so it presumably wasnt in a donkey-cart, tonga or whatever was used for transport in those days, otherwise it would have been mentioned by the PM to downplay the Quetta rickshaw birth. Why was he asked about in the first place? Not because he had kept the President under such tight guard that his was noted as an 'escape to Quetta (remember the old slogan of 'Chacha Phajjay ko reha karo, when Ch Fazal Elahi was Zulfikar Ali Bhuttos President? And without any powers, let alone 17th Amendment ones.) But because the woman who had given birth was visited by some women leaders of the local PPP, who had tried to hang on to most of the Rs 500,000 they were supposed to be delivering for the President. Perhaps the PM was hinting, as much as any PM could, that his wifes sister received no money for being born in a car, and any money that was forthcoming could be delivered to PM House, purely for ease of delivery. And though he recently became a grandfather, he didnt claim his grandchild was born in a tractor-trolley, and thus he will not claim any money for that. Not that the government has much money, what with all the aid dollars going to Chile, where they had an earthquake after Haiti. This is money which the President resents, for it could have come to the poor of Pakistan. And would have, had he been allowed more foreign trips. However, there is another opportunity of a foreign trip coming up, and thus another chance to serve the poor people of Pakistan, in the shape of a summit on nuclear disarmament. Since the Summit on Nuclear Security will take place in Washington, and will be hosted by the USA, it will mean a trip to the USA, and a chance to divert dollars from Haiti and Chile (who are doing nothing in the War on Terror; for details, ask Rehman Malik) to the poor people of Pakistan.