Published in The Nation newspaper on 15-Jul-2013
Ramazan started, with the London police going on with its campaign of persecuting the Muhajir community, by raiding Altaf Hussain’s residence in London, where they have found money. Obviously planted. All those who became convinced of the British reputation for fair play only when Altaf Hussain was given British citizenship, will now remember history, in which the UK is supposed to have ruled India, with the shaping of the police as one of their main duties. The experience gained in India was used to help the London police, and had it not been for the magistrates and the remedies provided for human rights abuses, the London bobby would have had half the population of the city under interrogation for buffalo theft. Even if the money was not planted, it should be remembered that Altaf is a khandaani raees. And anyone who objects, and says that he isn’t, will find himself being called on by a team from the MQM. To argue, of course, what else?
Meanwhile, another khandaani raees, Tauqir Sadiq, the ex-OGRA chief, has been brought back from Dubai. He seems to have solved one mystery, all right, but not the one for which he is wanted, the mystery of where North Korean leader Kim Jong-Un got his haircuts from. It must have been the same barber in Dubai, and that barber, though anonymous, is the pioneer of the Bad-Hair-Day look. The slogan would be: Never be afraid of a Bad Hair Day, because you will seem, every day, as if you have a Bad Hair Day.
His appointment as OGRA Chairman was declared illegal, after which he fled, supposedly with the help of two KPK ministers. Well, nobody has commented on their haircuts, so maybe Tauqir Sadiq will be made to explain not just his bad hair, but also the Rs 82 billion his decisions as OGRA Chairman caused to be lost to the public exchequer.
The Ramazan moon was duly sighted by the Ruet-i-Hilal Committee, and Mufti Muneeb graciously gave us permission to fast, and Peshawar’s Majid Qasim Khan for once did not receive any testimonies, so Ramazan in Pakistan got off to a common start. Some say that Imran Khan was instrumental in making sure that Pakistan had one Ramazan, and will have one Eid. Funny, I thought it was important to get the days right because of the Almighty’s orders, not Imran’s wishes.
At any rate, the government seems to be trying to fulfill its commitment not to carry out loadshedding during sehar, iftar and tarawih. That makes a pleasant change on the previous government, which made the same commitment, but never bothered to fulfill it. However, there seems to have been a few hiccups this weekend. However, there seems to have been a recovery every time, and one can imagine Kh Asif surrounded by wires, holding a candle, joining them after doing a quick choice. And one can imagine that there isn’t any loadshedding in Sialkot, and not because it is Rehman Malik’s home district.
The rumours that he has donated his famous crushed-velvet peaked cap to the Sialkot Museum are false. He is using the cap in this year’s tarawih, and it will make its presence felt this Eid, when it will be Ch Nisar Ali’s turn to make the nation’s mobiles fall silent. Part of Ch Nisar Ali’s role as the Sole Warrior on Terror was accomplished when Prime Minister Mian Nawaz Sharif turned up at his Ministry, which has been known for some years as the Office of the Sole Warrior. And no, Mr Bean is not the Sole Warrior, nor has he anything to do with turning off our mobiles, nor will he.
Meanwhile, there was the unfolding of events after the Egyptian military had shown its commitment to its undying hatred of Israel, by removing the Morsi government. Rumours that Jamaat Islami chief Munawwar Hasan had fallen into a dead faint on hearing of the deaths of about 50 Ikhwan supporters, are as untrue as those of Imran Khan executing a farshi salam when he met Prince Charles. For diehard PTI supporters, it was enough that Prince Charles asked about Imran’s fall, which meant that Imran couldn’t hold him in a headlock till he had made a statement against drone strikes.
At the same time, there seems to be creeping up the attitude that a country that can allow a SEAL team into Pakistan, kill a foreigner, and then leave, shouldn’t complain too much. I mean, why complain about violations of national sovereignty, when the leak of the Abbottabad Commission report reveals that not only that, but Osama Ben Laden spent years in Abbottabad, without anybody knowing. In fact, according to the government, maybe the leak hadn’t occurred at all. The raid was apparently the worst disaster since 1971, when Bangladesh came into being, which might explain why the report on it had to be kept unpublished. After all, the Hamood Commission Report on the 1971 War was never published. And just as no one individual or institution, ever accepted responsibility for 1971, the report (which no one leaked) showed that no one was responsible. I wonder why no one has said that the raid didn’t happen at all.
Published in The Nation newspaper on 15-Jul-2013