S:    You seem quite upset.

A:    That’s probably because I am.
S:    What is it?
A:    It’s my father. He’s really not getting along with my sister these days.
S:    I’m sorry to hear that. But, what’s the problem?
A:    I was always closer to my mother whereas Sumbal had a stronger bond with my father. She was the only one in the household who could get away with punching him and making fun of his weight. They were great friends. But as she grew up, everything changed.
S:    How so?
A:    You know Sumbal. She’s quite liberal, outspoken, outgoing. While Baba loved his daughter and I’m sure that he still does, he doesn’t approve of who she is now. He’s a traditional, conservative man, even more so when it comes to women, especially her. I think that’s the problem. He just doesn’t view her as his little daughter anymore. He sees a woman before him, who doesn’t resemble his version of a ‘respectable’, ‘cultural’ Pakistani woman.
S:    That’s unfortunate but it’s far too common. Your father looks at Sumbal, and he worries about what other men from your family and in general would think about her. You know why it bothers him? It is because all his life, he has resented the idea of an independent modern woman. He has passed judgments on their character on the basis of their attire. So, when Sumbal leaves for college in jeans, he fears that the whole world would pass judgments as he always has. Brings him ‘dishonour’.
A:    Perhaps. But I can’t have them arguing like that. He almost hit her the last time they fought. That would have been the first time he raised his hand on her. I think she hates him now. And I don’t blame her. I just don’t know what to do.
S:    I think it’s quite obvious. You feel that she’s being treated unfairly? Intervene! You’re her elder brother. You’re not just required to beat up college guys who tease her; you’re supposed to protect her from anyone and everyone, even if it’s your own father. That doesn’t mean that you don’t let her make her decisions, that you replace your father’s rules with your own set of rules. If you sincerely care for her, let her be. Give her the freedom to grow, to make mistakes, to learn. Treat her as an individual, a person, not as your or your father’s sanctuary of honour. Can you stand up for her?