He asked me the same question and told me to answer promptly; I have never thought about what I want to be in future; so unintentionally the words came out from my mouth and they were that" I just want to acquire good grades better then both of them". I actually; point out my fingers towards my siblings; while saying those lines. My mother and father gazed me for a moment holding horrific emotions then they try to change the conversation. At that moment; I was utterly disgusted myself that my tears starts rolling down to the cheek and I leave the dining table and ran towards my bedroom without saying another word. When my parents and siblings came to talk to me, I pretend that I am sleeping, when they left I shed crocodile tears.
Late night when I came into my senses, I thought to say at least sorry to my parents for leaving the dining table abruptly. When I reach to my parent’s room, I heard my mom voice, her voice seems shaky and cranky as if she is crying. She was saying to my father that she is worried about my behavior and I don't know what has happened to her; she was such a good kid. I gulp and swallow my tears down to listen more. I know eavesdropping is a really bad habit, but I want to hear my parents thought because I was sure that they will be so disappointed at me because I am proven to be bad in everything; especially studies.
However, the things that I heard that day has changed my whole life and the challenged my perception that I hold for myself. My father replied to my mother don't worry she will be fine. I think she needs a little guidance which I will provide to her. I think finance or business related field would be good for her; you have seen her; she is tremendous with numbers. She always scored good in math’s and you always take her for grocery shopping because she is good in calculation; even you get confused in calculating the expenditure; he points out humorously. She always scored 99% marks in math’s and English, her other subjects are weak but the subject that seems interesting to her; she scored good marks in them. I am not at all worried about her and told her that you shouldn't as well. She is such a bright child. My mother agreed with my father statement and said to my father that you are absolutely right with contentment.
When I heard the whole conversation; I couldn’t hold my tears back and begin to cry loudly this time. My sobbing get my parents attention they ran towards the door of their bedroom which is already half opened. My father hug me tightly and continuously asked what’s wrong dear. I remembered that I cried that day for more than an hour. He remain patient and let my cry till my tears dried and then he let me explained what brought such sorrow. Without holding back anything; I told him everything that I had in my heart for several years. I told him that I think mom and him don't love me because I don't acquire good grades and I always remain the kid that won’t made your proud once. Afterwards when I tell him my side of the story he said a simple phrase that I still remember and always do whenever I feel disappointed in myself which is:
Parents love their child not because they are perfect in every way. Their love is unconditional and they love all of their children; equally. Every child has a special place in their parent’s hearts. So never ever think we don't love you much. You and your siblings are the greatest gift of god and the symbol of love for us.
He further explained that; having a brother and sister is God blessing on you because He provides you the friend for life. The bond between the siblings is eternal and it never breaks because of anything. He made me understand that Jealousy is a curse; which makes you unsatisfied because you compare yourself with others. Never ever get jealous of anyone and if someone is better than you rather than getting jealous from them; appreciate them and learn what you like about them and try to adopt that quality on you.
Learn to compete with yourself and strive to become better, but never gets jealous because if you get jealous you will never become happy because you will remain unsatisfied from your own self.
Two years have passed after that incident; I am in 10th standard now, in 9th class I got A grade and my sibling score A1 grade. But I am happy at getting A because in eight class result, I get 65% and this time it is 76%; that's a huge improvement. I am happy because I am no more jealous with my sibling; and I know my parents love me; which makes me feel satisfied and happy with my improvement.
Published in Young Nation magazine on November 12, 2016