By Rimla Batool
"You were so rude to me, I have been crying since last night," said Maria. It was the morning after the my 16th birthday party last night. We had a lot to talk about, the people at the party, the food, the music and a lot more. All of us friends noticed that our otherwise 'happy as a clown' Maria, was quite off today. We tried to talk to her and sort out what she had in mind.
After an hour of insistence, she broke out in tears and pointed towards me, "why do you have to be so harsh all the time," said she. What I got to hear then was how last night I had replied to one of her funny comment sarcastically. She took it to heart and well, went all teary and crying. Maria declared that because of my inconsideration and rudeness, she won't be talking to me, ever. It was a matter of serious concern among us friends as we never had a fight before. I had quite a good explanation, in my defense, to my behaviour last night. I could have gone on and on with my side of the story, but instead what I said was, "Sorry."
Maria, with a lit up face, smiled and said, "as long as you are sorry, it is okay."
All my life I had proudly declared of not being the first to apologise in a fight and especially when I reckon myself right. Then why did I apologise this time? Well, because I could not risk losing a great friend. My relation to Maria was bigger to me than my ego so I compromised over it and I said the word.
An apology, be it a word or be it a gesture, goes a long way to save relationships among friends, families and even among random strangers. When I started travelling alone in college, I stepped on a lot of feet while riding a crowded, speeding bus; I tried to apologise each time. Sometimes it was accepted with a sympathetic smile and at times all I got back was a glare. But anyway, I knew I had done the closest act to pushing an 'undo' button.
Why has it been important for me to apologize for something so trivial, you may wonder. It is important for me because I want to treat people the way I wish to be treated myself. It makes me really sad when I see youngsters all around me, pushing and shoving people and walking off without even a hint of the discomfort they cause. What we are learning in schools these days, I wonder.
From strangers to those you know and love, an apology can turn the tides of a situation. There is nothing more flattering than the realization of being valued, it always makes the other party calm down and consider forgiveness.
"When a friend apologises, I feel more love and respect for them because I know it is not easy to swallow your pride and apologise. If someone does that for you, you are very lucky," says Hussain, an undergraduate student.
For a lot of people among us, the word apology does not exist. It always takes two to make a fight. If you are one of the two, you need to let go of your pride and admit your fault.
Some argue that the word, "sorry" has lost its value as it has been overly abused. Mr. Mirza, a school teacher says, "I have seen so many of my students who don't always mean it when they say they are sorry. They do something wrong, they apologise and the very next moment they do the same thing again."
At times, we apologise just for the sake of getting someone off our chests. The word, "sorry" is used as an escape, to avoid any possible conflict. At times, people intentionally do the wrong thing because they know they will get off the hook with an apology.
"We should add a new word to apologise when we mean it sincerely because "sorry" has lost its meaning," says Amna, a high school student.
So then how to apologize sincerely and make others believe that you are really sorry?
The first step would be to admit your mistake. Once you know your acts have been hurtful, don't deny that. Next, do not apologise in a defensive manner. If you are saying sorry, but your tone and gestures are defensive, your apology cannot be considered sincere. And lastly, keep in consideration the other person's feelings and acknowledge the efforts they put in. Choose words that are polite and that allow further communication about the issue.
For me, an apology to a friend is more effective when a hug or two are also offered. So, feel free to cuddle your mom when she is mad at you for not doing the dishes. Trust me, she will melt.
We are social animals. We can have all that and more, only if we are ready to take our near and dear ones seriously. So next time when you err, admit it, apologise, and make sure that you mean it with all your heart when you say the word, "sorry."
Story published in Young Nation magazine on March 26, 2016 issue.