Well done, Mr Musharraf

Dear Mr Musharraf, First of all, allow me to take the liberty of addressing you as Mr. For, now that you’re retired, one wouldn’t think it would be quite as necessary to mention your previous profession.

Also, considering the successful multi-tasker you were, it’s unfair to only mention you as a former general, since you are renowned for other services to the country as well.

But the reason I’m penning this letter down is to thank you. This is not for all that you’ve done for Pakistan over the years, but for all that you’ve done for Pakistan over the weekend.

As the country witnessed a historical unprecedented verdict for the umpteenth time, you were – by far and away – this nation’s favourite analyst on TV.

There was a clear depth in your analysis that others lacked. Of course, not many other analysts would’ve successfully escaped a treason trial. Fewer still would’ve abrogated the Constitution, the piece of paper on which the entire fuss was based. And hardly anyone would’ve sacked the same person who was disqualified by the apex court on Friday.

This gave you unique insight into usurping democratic domain, violating Pakistani law, escaping court proceedings.

This was perfectly epitomised by you asking the disqualified to be put on the Exit Control List (ECL), so that they don’t run away. I mean who better to know this than someone who has experienced the escape act first hand.

But, again, it wasn’t your first-hand knowledge of being a criminal and the ensuing insight that made you the top analyst for coverage of the Panama Papers verdict. Even your mere presence would’ve sufficed in you being the undisputed top man on TV.

For, just the fact that channels were queuing in to ask your opinion about the entire episode, only confirmed what the said episode actually was all about in the first place.

Why go to a former you-know-what, who actually was behind the dismissal for you-know-whom, who actually was himself under trial you-know-when, but was saved by you-know-who, resulting in the standoff between you know…

Just the fact that you were there, Mr Musharraf, put more light on the case and the verdict than all the analyses done since the leaks first emerged 15 months ago.

Don’t get me wrong, I am not taking anything away from your performance, which was equally matched by the hospitality of those hosting you.

One such host, for instance, asked you for mithai on live TV. I thought that was a refreshingly honest gesture. One could imagine the two of you enjoying sweets, while Mr Rasheed polished you up with cherry, or kiwi – whatever your preferred flavour might be.

There were other ‘big names’ that were rendered very small after their exchange with you on TV. And this was not because they were wholesaling their conscience at about 10% the rate they had charged for their professionalism.

While the you-know-whats were praised for taking a backseat in the episode, it was great to see you represent them at the forefront. You’ve never shied away from the fronts, of course. Sometimes where none existed, you just created them, so you could lead from the front.

Now that you’ve gone all commando on Pakistani media, it would be great to finally see you multitask all the way to being the top journalist in Pakistan.

Weren’t you supposed to be doing your own show recently? I think that’s a great idea. When you don’t like the theme of a show, you can always overthrow the producer.

Yours thankfully,

An average TV consumer

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