Part 1 – Report: Local man feels

better after extremism in India

Smirking while browsing a news website on his computer, a local man expressed satisfaction at reports of intolerance towards religious minorities in India, after they made him feel better about the reports of intolerance towards religious minorities in Pakistan.

Analysts are of the opinion that the rising trend of hate crimes in the neighboring country, and reports of people being lynched because of religious extremism, may strengthen the man’s arguments in his various debates with his liberal friends and relatives.

“The Hindus of India are intolerant too,” he told a colleague in his office during the lunch break, implying that it would make intolerance by Muslims in Pakistan less worrying.

Clerics and religious leaders all over the country have already raised concerns about growing violence and against Muslims in the secular India, and many of them have vowed to speed up their efforts to increase incidents of discrimination and violence against religious minorities in Pakistan. While many of them were concerned by the prime minister’s speech at a Hindu festival that Pakistan would become liberal, analysts say, their worries were laid to rest when according to reports a mob burned down an Ahmadi man’s house and factory, and the community’s place of worship.

The local man believes such incidents should not be reported in the media. He says he does not condone violence against minority communities.

“I wholeheartedly oppose such violent attacks against people of other faiths,” he told a friend late on Monday. “Discrimination against non-Muslims should be limited to peaceful means, such as school textbooks, provocative statements by religious leaders, and the constitution.”

Part 2 – Advice: How to fight

extremism in India

1) Change your Facebook profile picture and replace it with a slogan against Indian Prime Minister Narendra Modi. The next time he visits your profile, he will read the message and mend his ways.

2) Start fighting extremism in Pakistan.

3) Engage Hindu extremists in debates on the Internet so they don’t have the time to go out and carry out any of their plans. Caution: Not all Indian Hindus debating with you online are extremists. Many of them are just regular impolite people on the Internet.

4) Tell inappropriate jokes about people of the Sikh faith.

5) Create a new country.

6) Stop eating beef, and preferably avoid other types of meat as well.

7) Support an armed rebellion in the country.

Part 3 – Public Opinion: ‘This is not a zero sum game’

— “This is not a zero sum game. Religious groups on both sides of the border can simultaneously take pride in their effort.” –Raju Rangeen (blogger and freelance photographer)

— “These incidents have uncovered the true face of India. I can’t wait until they kill more Muslims in their country and harass more intellectuals, so that the world can see what they really are.” Javed Jumper (cleric and part time video game arcade operator)

— “I don’t know if it is okay to lynch someone for eating beef, but I really want Pakistan to outlaw eating vegetables. We don’t have to lynch anyone. We can just send a notification to my mother.” Bahadur Khan (unemployed and not looking)

— “At least they’re killing Muslims, and not letting them stay alive and be miserable.” Shahida Shoqeen (stay-at-home mother and part time daughter)

— “So now that those people have been harassed or killed, I reckon they’re not going to be eating their beef. I was wondering if I could finish it? I haven’t eaten since this morning.” Doctor Dhingra (Doctor and part-time mobile phone accessories salesman)

— “I really hope that Katrina Kaif issues a statement against extremism in India, so that they get angry and send her to Pakistan.” Jameel Jogger (Bollywood enthusiast and part-time extremist)

— “So all the intellectuals in India are returning their awards. But the real award that needs to be returned is the Radcliffe award.” Lala Lonely (poet and part-time activist)

— “Like Pakistani Muslims, Indian Muslims should also stop eating beef and switch to donkey meat. As in our case, this doesn’t have to be deliberate. Nobody finds donkeys spiritual. They can sell donkey meet to Muslims and tell them it is beef, and export the hides to China.” Kaka Kasai (butcher and tax accountant)