I wanted to take the government to task this week, what with its perplexing performance in the last couple of weeks. Let me share my part of the conversation with one of this government’s functionaries here to demonstrate how necessary I felt it to hold it to account (but didn’t for other reasons):

“The thing is, people were suspicious of Mian sab’s will on terrorism. His democratic credentials, though improved by his support of the Zardari govt, remained suspect due to his erstwhile attempts at becoming Ameer ul Momineen. So yes, it is absolutely apt to term the 2013 election as a referendum on energy issues/ loadshedding. And Mian sab has miserably failed his mandate. You keep calling individual acts of omission or commission “mistakes.’’ Will you not admit, even just between us, that what we are witnessting are not mistakes, but a complete failure of governance?

“I despair for this country. The people have started to swing towards Bobby. And this is the poisoned gift this particular democratic government of Sharifs and their coterie of Dars, Sher Alis and mama chachas has given this wretched nation.

“And now that he has failed us, and we know that within the civilian alternatives, we are boxed in between rocks, hard places, devils and deep blue seas only (PMLN being criminally incompetent, PPP being perfectly and wholly apathetic and self serving, and PTI being dangerously stupid), he has killed hope altogether.

“Electricity was the one reason Nawaz was voted in. And he failed. But I disagree that it’s only on electricity that the government has failed. Your interior (or shall I call him posterior) minister was negotiating with terrorists, his tears unstoppable at Baitullah’s droning. Weren’t terrorism and bijli the two main issues?

“ But no, I see no hope. Very tough decisions are required to fix the problems in this country, and I do not see Mian sab taking them on. He could not even fire the obvious culprits of the series of crises his governmet has landed itself in.”

But guess what? Imran Khan stole my thunder. Again. He is the BEST ally Mian Nawaz Sharif’s abysmal government could ever have hoped for. The gentleman opened his mouth and turned all guns away from the government towards himself. My gripe is that he distracts the genuine critics of the the Nawaz government to himself like bees to honey.

Consider: just during the post APS incident, the gent comes up with a press conference condemning the Charlie Hebdo cartoons .. literally in the wake of around 140 children being killed in Peshawar. Literally in the wake of the world condemning extremists, this man found the time and the inclination to side with the extremists. Amongst all other sorts of nonsense he called for, he also asked the government of Pakistan to do something about blasphemous cartoons at an international level. At this juncture Imran Khan chose to align himself with the extremist Islamists.

Next, the gentleman chose to reject the entire commission report on NA 122, which was investigated at his behest to begin with. It just so happened that the findings went against his containerized claims. So he rejected them outright calling for the entire process to be carried out all over again – (and again – and again- till a commission agrees to bear out his version of events).

And then there was thandapani and garam pani. How can a leader with credentials of thanda and garam pani even pretend to challenge the likes of the Sharifs and their incompetence.

Consider: the man who purported to have started the movement of civil disobedience against a sitting government told the public that he paid his own utility bills because his wife and her child could not take cold showers. He got married in the middle of his protest sit ins – whilst exhorting others to put their lives on hold. And then smoothly went on to pay his bills after having gotten thousands of his followers into trouble with the government.

My whole point tonight is that this is the quality of opposition to the abysmally bad government we have. How does one take a government to task with utter morons in opposition? Where can one begin? With idiots in one’s camp, there is no escape. From either of them.

We are caught in this unfortunate spiral of incompetence from which there doesn’t seem to be any respite coming, any time soon.