It was a glorious night, full of fright and creaking floors and dark hallways at Castle Saud atop the royal hill of Saud-al-Vania.

Count Shah’ula had thrown THE Halloween bash of the century to show people that it is a haram celebration by celebrating it himself because, as we all know, whatever is haram for the masakeen is and always will be halal for the royals.

Anyone who was somebody was invited with their significant plus ones. Many went and many went unnoticed but the ones that caught everyone’s eye (including ours) were:

Imran Khan: He went as Thor, his hammer striking every box there as he screamed ‘FOR TABDEELI!!!'

Osama Bin Laden: He came as the ultimate zombie to give grave advice to all his cronies.

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Jibran Nasir: He went as Batman. He’s the hero Pakistan deserves, not the one it needs right now. Or ever. We hear he didn’t even have an invitation to the Halloween ball but somebody accidently lit up the bat signal. Authorities believe it was the dukhi awam residing in the dungeons.

Asif Ali Zardari: He came dressed as the Big Bad Wolf. We overheard the following conversation he had with the Count at the reception.

‘Oh, what big eyes you have Al-Wolf?!’

‘All the better to see you with, O Count.’

‘What big teeth you have!’

‘All the better to eat Pakis… uhm… I mean biryani with.’

At that point, Nawaz Sharif’s eyes lit up as he asked the ultimate question, ‘Is there nihari too?”

Nawaz Sharif: He initially came as Badshah Salamat but a frown from Count Shah’ula and a possible threat of beheading made him change into something more agreeable – a jack o lantern pumpkin that lit up every time the Count nodded at him favorably.

Hamza Ali Abbasi: He came as the ultimate and most obvious choice: Himself; the Savior of the Nation. Dressed in a simple garb of brown hues and culture that has nothing to do with Pakistan, he made quite an entrance with a fan following of his own. He was found to occasionally find a soapbox to stand on and address his followers, “Aye meray logon…mein hoon na!

Zaid Hamid: He came to the party and was immediately arrested again at the buffet table. He had the audacity to come dressed as Kashmir.

Altaf Hussain: Bhai came as… well, he didn’t come but a telephone set was brought to fill in for him. It was heard ringing several times during the night but upon strict instructions from Count Shah’ula to not bother, nobody received the call.

Al-Prince Al-Waleed Al-InsertMoreWords: After his recent remarks regarding the dire situation between Palestine and Israel, it was only appropriate that he came dressed as the Star of David. And so he did. The costume was weaved from 24 carat gold threads, of course.

Justin Trudeau: He told us he had quite a few Disney princes to choose from but the closest one that came to his true legacy, which is love of diversity, was Prince Eric of the Little Mermaid. We must say he looked every bit charming as that, too. Only he was told to stay away from stairways. And the dance floor that was only for the Royals.

Barack Obama: The most powerful man in the universe right now rightly came as Superman. And that was that. Except he kept looking over his shoulder for a Lex Luthor. We learned that Donald Trump was supposed to be that, but the guy never showed up. It is said that China never delivered his costume.

Vladimir Putin: It is said that they misspelled his name on his invitation, which gave him the idea for his costume. But we believe he thought of it on his own by virtue of being the ultimate hero of all anti-heroes. Lord ‘Voldemort’ Putin made his entrance amidst a cloud of smoke and screams.

Reham Khan: She was astoundingly the only woman celebrity at the ball (apart from us and the million servers and performers and well, you get the point). She had come dressed as an anchor person ready to grill some politicians. When we complimented her on her choice of costume, she corrected us saying it wasn’t a costume. She was actually on duty and not very happy about it. “Do you think I’m enjoying this? I had to do this just to get in!”

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After that, it was best we maintain our decorum and get out of the party well before midnight when everyone really became horrifying.