PS: Please read this while wearing a lens of ‘humanity’ and keeping religious and moral values aside.
The irony is, whenever woman-related violence comes to the limelight, the first and foremost question circulated in social media and on people’s minds is: What was the “relation” between the killed woman/girl and her murderer? There’s nothing more disgusting than to see society seeking a rationale behind a rape or an assault on a woman, preferably a rationale that proves the woman is short character to provoke a man for the crimes he commits against her in any way.
Noor Mukkadam lost her precious life to slaughter right before the day of slaughtering or sacrificing animals i.e. Eid-ul-Azha. It was merely the preceding horrifying incident after two more cases of femicide in a week. While many were following the case for so many reasons; there have been people who are continuously probing the ‘nature’ of the relationship with her murderer and didn’t seem or sound satisfied after knowing that the two families have known each other for quite some time.
Khadija Siddiqui was stabbed 23 times by Shah Hussain and the entire focus of society was on her “relation” with Shah Hussain and that she broke up with him a few months before that horrifying violence. Many ruthlessly commented on her character and the nature of her relationship with him. The perpetrator was at large till the time the entire country used social media as a national voice to get the Chief Justice of Pakistan to take notice of it in January 2019. Shah Hussain is out of jail now after 3.5 years which was actually supposed to be a five-year imprisonment. What are the reasons behind this, we don’t know. What concerns me is that as a society, we have failed to ensure a woman’s right to live and die with dignity. Butchered after she has used her right to refuse a marriage proposal or breaking up with a man; burned alive if she is continuously giving birth to daughters; raped no matter where she is and what she is wearing and how old she is—the only known reason is that she is female of any age; and questioned on morality and character after she is killed. This last butchery is more devastating.
There are three broad clusters of immediate reactions and responses that are seen and heard in such cases of violence against women. The foremost is: Who was she to him? A wife or a girlfriend? Was she alone with him? The second kind: was she commuting or travelling alone? At what time? What was she wearing and why was she not accompanied by any male family member? Men are men, if she is wearing “provocative” clothing, men will definitely rape her. And the third and most painful response is; of course it is bound to happen because she doesn’t seem Islamic or religious. When one does not follow religion, this is what happens. This is Allah’s wrath for her.
Butchery doesn’t come in the form of physical killing only. Every time the family or friends of the victim get such insensitive responses, a part of their heart is butchered ruthlessly.
Men are men, but that should be enough reason for them not to rape, torture or kill a woman. Every time we refer to rape as part of a male’s normal sexual urge because of a woman, we actually imply that they are uncontrollable beasts and not humans because a human being is referred to as the “highest creature” (Ashraf-ul-Makhlooqaat) of the Almighty, who has control over himself.
The dignity of a woman is slaughtered when she is kept under a moral framework of relationships as to have respect; a daughter, a wife, a sister or mother. What if a platonic friend or a colleague or a girlfriend or even just a complete stranger? Why do we have to associate women with the moral domain of relationships to respect her? Her being a human is enough reason to respect her. There are many who are neither wife, nor sister or mother to a man or boy.
The dignity of a woman is massacred the moment we rationalise a murder because it was done in the name of honour by her own family men. As a society, we need to disassociate women with all moral, socio-cultural and religious frameworks to give her the respect she deserves as a human. A human deserves respect and dignity; both to live and die with but not to be killed—physically or spiritually.