Here’s another quintessentially Pakistani phenomenon that should be talked about: you’re having a conversation with someone who overestimates his own intelligence and prowess with words, and you come to that point where they’re going to town with a completely moronic preface and expect you to take it hook, line and sinker, but you, being the pedantic know-it-all that everyone loves to hate, can’t let it slide, so you correct them, gently at first, but then totally going to town with just HOW idiotic their idea is – and what do they do? They don’t accost you with “facts and figures” or any sound argument in return, nope, not at all. And that’s because the go-to response is almost always whining with a smattering of “Don’t talk to me like that… I’m not your servant.” In fact, some of them are very precise about just WHICH servant they are talking about: “I’m not your driver”, “Don’t talk to me as if I’m one of your cooks”, because, hey, if they don’t specify just WHICH servant they mean, it might leave you confused, because you ONLY reserve that tone for your gardener, and never your maid.

Whenever this phenomenon occurs in front of me, it always leaves me flabbergasted as to just how the minds of others work, and just what goes on in their puny brains. Leaving aside the fact that their argument didn’t have any merit, and that’s why you completely tore it to shreds; and the reason they feel to me like fools is because they are completely acting like idiots. And the fact that you actually did them a favour by pointing that out so that they don’t make complete and utter fools of themselves again in the future. What actually never ceases to astound me is how they feel it an “insult” that you negated their argument. AND, and this is where it gets seriously messed up, in their minds it’s only fair to “insult” people who are below you in status. 

Essentially, when they’re throwing these fits, they’re telling you about how they’re your social “equals”, and by that right alone you can’t insult them, even though they tried their LEVEL BEST to do just that to your intelligence. Not only are they being complete babies, but they’re also giving you some pretty messed up social etiquette advice: “You do not say anything to your social equals, irrespective of how foolish they are. Please reserve your disdain and mockery for those below you in the social food chain.”

And you, who complete expects and accepts a knock down in return are left ASTOUNDED at the “classism” so inherent within people (not that I’m not an elitist when it comes to certain things, but I’m nothing if not contradictory). What exactly are these people thinking that in their minds it’s OKAY to insult a servant for no reason? I’m saying “no reason” because in their minds they were insulted for “no reason”. How in the name of all things holy does that make any sense? How do you go around calling yourself a “humanist” and a “human rights activist” if you think that only your SOCIAL STATUS should cause other people not to call you out on the nonsense you spew on a daily basis?

Isn’t the whole idea behind sparring with your equals that you can say whatever you want without being a complete tyrant, because you’re not saying it to someone who is beholden to you and hence can’t call you out on YOUR nonsensical statements should you make any? What kind of nation am I living in where the majority is only condescending to people who it is sure will not answer it back?

“Ooooh, here’s my servant, I think I’ll tell him what a complete waste of space he is, and since he can’t answer me back, I’m perfectly justified in doing it, because he can go to hell. After all he’s just a lowly excuse for a human being. Also, it’ll make me feel good.” Isn’t that more of a social “faux pas” than telling someone their opinions are idiotic? 

What insecurities are you dealing with that you only reserve your “sharp tongue” for people below you, and can’t find enough courage to very well say it to someone who can slap you right back with a sharper zinger?

Admit it: you’re just doing this because you want to take out your frustrations on someone, because you’ve been bowing to people “above” you, as you’re too much of a spineless coward to call them out on their baloney! You can just keep on having “discussions” with your servants so that you feel like the “intellectual” that you obviously aren’t, and keep treating them like crap when they disagree with you, because, let’s face it, you can’t do it with anyone unless they’re financially dependent on you, but please, if you can’t take the heat when it comes to your “social equals”, just do us all a favour and get out of the kitchen.