I am a simple person with simple needs and unlimited wants. I live my life like life should be lived - self-servingly, of course. Hey! I didn’t make the rules, survival of the fittest is God’s own natural order; I am just honest enough to own it. I can be a PPP jiyala just as easily as I can be a PML-N nirala, but one thing I can never be and that is an Imran Khan supporter. That man is beyond my comprehension - irritating goody two shoes. He is not even a true politician; just look at him, a corruption free past, sincerity to Pakistan, philanthropist to boot and on top of that good looking! If I didn’t know better that almost declares him unfit to be living in Pakistan, what to say of entering Pakistani politics - such a wannabe!

I had such a laugh seeing the affront of all those PTI trolls (a term I have borrowed from a very enlightened individual like myself - PTI troll, how droll) at the recent accusation hurled at Imran Khan for misusing the funds meant for Shaukat Khanum Memorial Cancer Hospital (SKMCH), by none other than the minion of our very own PML-N. Now that is what I call political savvy, not some two-bit speech about Pakistan’s potential, justice, accountability or eradicating corruption. What does he think corruption is, ‘Polio’?

Such poor sportsmanship these PTI trolls exhibit, I tell you, beating the drum of dastardly tactics serving only to harm all those poor patients being treated at the SKMCH since no one really takes corruption charges against Imran Khan seriously. His track record speaks for itself and all. I fail to understand what that has to do with anything. Politics is politics, I accuse you, you accuse me, why deny. Imran Khan’s problem is that he has nothing to deny, like I said so unfit for Pakistani politics.

Tell me this, if Imran Khan is really all that he seems to be, why the need to induct these electibles (courtesy yet another enlightened individual) into his party. If he was truly this reformer holding the flag of ideological politics, then he should have stood his ground with his team of virtually unknown and habitually honest individuals, replaced the entire population of Pakistan with the likes of him and his party members, and then boasted of bringing a change. Doesn’t he know that one can’t teach an old dog new tricks?

This population of 180 million only knows how to be downtrodden. They are not resilient; they are complacent. Tell them it is God’s will that they be oppressed and they will nod their heads and do all the ‘ji hazuri’ you want them to do. How dare Imran Khan challenge that status quo, how dare he awakens them to the immense power they hold. Doesn’t he realise that he is courting anarchy, if there is an uprising? What will become of the likes of me, who are only meant to rule? It is the duty of each and every one of us that the continued state of existence is unaffected by such ideological upstarts as Imran Khan. Power to the people, indeed, sounds more like chaos to me!

I will give you another example of political naivety. Mr Cricketer these days is all gung ho on holding intra-party elections after Eid. What a riot! Imagine creating a system where even the party worker has an opportunity to affect the policies of the party, where a true democracy can be forged from within the party, extending the same opportunity to all and sundry once it gets elected. God forbid that happens! This man is so mulishly stubborn that despite repeated efforts, he is unable to understand that certain classes are meant to rule and all others are meant to serve. That is the order of things and it is better for all to integrate oneself in this scheme, rather than to oppose it. Not that me and others did not give him ample opportunities for this integration. Time and again we offered him ministries, seats in Parliament, money, clout what not; but if your disposition is disagreeable nothing will sway you from the path of righteousness; more like the path of obtuseness if you ask me.

If only he had not been able to pull all those people to his rallies in Lahore and Karachi. In the least, if he would have stopped short of doing that relatively smaller yet successful jalsa in Quetta and I would not have been impelled to notice that he even existed; but as it comes about he has become a regular thorn in my side and the polls are not helping either. I am sure their rigged, nevertheless, they are causing some serious hypertension relieved only by the sporadic slurring done by the PPP jiyalas and the PML-N niralas (bless their vile tongues).

I have to be satisfied by the fact that nothing and no one can unite this nation into bringing an end to the misery it is suffering today. I shudder to think what would happen if the entire population of only Islamabad suddenly awakens to its true power potential, comes out on the streets and marches towards the presidency. But I am thankful that chances for such abhorrent behaviour are slim at most, so no immediate danger to my rank and wealth.

In the meantime, I must ensure that this budding hope people seem to be developing based on Imran Khan is dashed at its earliest. Hope is malevolent, it incites people into action and that would be disastrous. So, I continue my campaign against Imran Khan and all he does, says or thinks indiscriminatingly for the betterment of myself, since if I am prosperous that means I can still milk Pakistan for all its worth. It is no wonder, indeed, why I love to hate Imran Khan!

The writer is a freelance columnist.

Email: markazeyaqeen@gmail.com