Every crossroad feels like the last one, like the apocalypse is right around the corner if you go the wrong way. The fear of the world you know crumbling down in front of your eyes. The people you love moving away and finding new worlds beyond your existence. This fear becomes a burden that you carry on your shoulders and it bears you down every second. Stuck at the crossroad, you know life is slipping away slowly and surely, while you wait for divine intervention. You just want to last in your comfort zone for the longest time seizing everything that you find dear. Wishing that maybe if you pretend that you can make the world stop, it might. It’s the most difficult to let go of the people who make your world, yours. To move on and risk losing. To let go of the fears.
The fear of being alone at the end. The fear of investing in a life that would be meaningless when you’re too exhausted to build a new one. The fear of becoming someone you wished never to become. The fear of abandonment for who you are or what you wish to be. The fear of too much contentment that lets you not make an effort anymore, and eventually become the death of your evolution. The fear of happiness that might make you ache harder when tragedy strikes. The fear of making a mistake that you might regret.
The fear of making a mistake that you might never regret.
Husbands and wives trapped in loveless marriages like prisoners, waiting till death do them part. Wishing they had the choice to not make each other miserable. ‘Sacrificing’ their lives for their family. In return they settle for unremitting obedience from their children. Living vicariously through the son who knows he is a slave to their love or a daughter who is shackled by the sacrifice they made because one of them did not walk out that door. They believe they have earned the right to govern their lives because they had no shot at living their lives, this is not a way of punishing them it’s a way of living their own lives. So, the son and daughter are again trapped in loveless marriages by and for their parents. Bounded by the silence that stems from helplessness and not love. Their obedience is price they pay for their parent’s unhappiness.
All this pain because, all of them are too scared of making a mistake. A mistake of disobedience, which might set them all free. Reckless behavior, which will allow them to make a mistake. A mistake that might make them regret or might make them not regret it at all.
Allow yourself to make a mistake and regret it later on. Or not.
When you are at the crossroad, know that there is no ‘wrong’ turn. You might lose the things you know you could not live without, and still keep living without. You will find eventually that losing yourself gives a new perspective to life. Shedding yourself of all the prejudices, rules and fears might open your eyes to extensible raw possibilities.
Allow yourself to be alright with your fears. All of us are busy not facing our fears. Fighting our own demons might not be so hard.
The worst that could happen might become your strength.
You are going to end up alone? Maybe spending time with yourself won’t be as bad as you think. Maybe building a new life was something you were missing out on this whole time. Maybe your new self is what many people wish they had become. Maybe the people who will abandon you, need to leave. Maybe serenity is inside you and nobody can take it away from you. Maybe happiness that makes you ache harder, is the happiness that is worth it. Maybe, your mistake will make you a man or a woman that you can be proud of, today and always.
Maybe in the end, risking it all will help you win it all.