S:     You buddy Salman Khan has been declared guilty for running over a homeless man in Mumbai while drunk, where will you get inspiration for you gym workouts now? No wait, in every movie doesn’t the hero go to prison and then gets super fit after working out non-stop? I take that back, I guess your gym motivation is going to get more motivating.

A:     My gym motivation is much higher; it’s Arnold Schwarzenegger, the original, not Salman Khan. He’ll be out in 5 years anyway, making movies and partying, so it’s not a big deal that he is convicted.

S:     Firstly, please don’t turn into Arnold, that much muscle is just abnormal, you’ll look ridiculous. Secondly, why do you sound bummed that he got a 5 year sentence, should he have gotten a longer one?

A:     Yes! He’s a superstar in India and Pakistan, people here idolise him; every other street urchin wants to be the next ‘Salu Bhai’ and all the kids at my gym know his dialogues by heart. He’s a brand name, an icon. He should be behaving more responsibly, not driving drunk, killing someone and then running away and pinning the blame on his driver. Once he is out, the party will start again, his jail term will be trivialised and quipped on and eventually his being a murderer will be okay. Imagine the effect on the millions who copy his every hairstyle.

S:     Sure he is an icon, but in the eyes of the law he is just another criminal, we can’t give celebrities harsher sentences because of their influence. If we started doing that we would be opening a Pandora ’s Box; what would we do about the rappers who sing about being shot and breaking the law, would you also stop ex-criminals from appearing in movies?

A:     I don’t know, don’t try to trip me up in such far-fetched questions, all I know is that Salman Khan should be made an example of.

S:     It’s the 21st century Ameen, we don’t do that anymore; the sentence reflects the crime, not external factors.

A:     You know, sometimes I wonder if you lawyers even know the whole point of your profession.