Over here, we have Ali Zafar and one fellow singer. In Sweden they have the French husband of a poet. The poet was a member of the Swedish Academy, and the husband used that position to criminally assault 17 women over a long period. This has been big enough a scandal to force her to resign. The Swedish Academy has fallen below the quorum necessary for its activities, like awarding the Nobel Prize for Literature. The Academy has already announced that there won't be a prize this year, and there will be two next year.

This has caused much heartburn and angst among aspirants, especially rappers, who had their hopes raised by the Prize for Bob Dylan in 2016. One of the aspirants, Kanye West, had even made friends with US President Donald Trump to build up momentum. He had also married a white girl and it is rumoured that he has hopes of being declared a white so as to boost his chances. Only if Kanye is a coconut does he have a chance, like President Barack Obama, who was given the Nobel because he was, like a coconut, white inside, black outside.

Kanye had even said in an interview that blacks had been slaves out of choice. That is the kind of thing President Trump likes to hear. After all, white supremacists have to face the huge lump of injustice and oppression that was slavery. So if somebody was to claim that it was a matter of choice, which would go down well. In fact, I believe Rao Anwar has already been heard saying that people in custody opt for encounters. Like slavery, it’s a matter of choice.

It’s a little like saying that Hazaras chose being subjected to target killings. That would render the visit by the COAS as nugatory as the suo motu notice by the Chief Justice of Pakistan, but it would link sectarian organisations to the Ku Klux Klan. By the way, if he doesn’t get the Nobel, Kanye may well join the Klan. Are they recruiting for diversity?

If the Klan is going for diversity, it might as well try to get aboard Punjab Law Minister Rana Sanaullah, whose remarks about the PTI women at last Sunday’s rally at Minar-i-Pakistan have been condemned as misogynistic by his own government. The PTI seems to have had an edge added to its anger by the rally really not having had as great an impact as it was supposed to. It was all the more of a relief for Imran Khan to be acquitted of torturing an SP during the 2014 Islamabad sit-in.

How would Kanye fare in Pakistan? Would he complain that the system is against him? Well, he has called President Trump a brother. By a different mother? Trump has not denied it. I hope Stormy Daniels is not involved in all of this somehow. Not only would that matter be sleazy, but disgusting as well. And we’ve got the information that not only did Trump’s lawyer pay her a vast sum, but then Trump paid that money back to the lawyer.

At least no one burnt Ms Daniels alive, which is what those who had criminally assaulted a teenage girl in a village in Jharkhand state, India, did. First, two men raped her, and then the matter was taken up by a panchayat. It ordered that they pay Rs50,000 and do 100 sit-ups. I don’t know if it was the sit-ups or the money, but the assaulters not only felt aggrieved, but persuaded quite a crowd that the best way out was to beat up the parents, and burn the girl alive. Police are busy arresting the 18 people wanted for the murder.

India seems to be having a bit of a hard time with rising temperatures, which is perhaps why that assault occurred at a time of intense dust storms all over that vast country, in which no less than 125 people were killed. Lahore saw a very mild expression of that extreme weather, in the form of a little rain which didn’t really break the heatwave that was building up, but did dent it. Karachi has already suffered some massive power breakdowns, and so have we in Lahore. Are the power breakdowns unscheduled loadshedding? We’ve gotten rid of scheduled loadshedding. Now they just turn off power when they feel like it.

The USA experienced this extreme weather with tornadoes and dust storms all over the country, as well as hail. Stormy weather literally for President Trump, preparing to meet North Korean leader Kim Jong-un after he had met the South Korean President, Moon Jae-In. Moon will be going to the USA before Trump’s meeting. He might be forgiven for thinking that being President means having a crazy haircut. What he cannot be forgiven is if he thinks he must follow suit. Does anyone remember the Gangnam Style of yesteryear? Perhaps Kim thinks his haircut is the North Korean answer to that.

We shouldn’t think this is a distant question. I mean, what if our President thinks he has to follow suit? What if the PM does? At last we could answer Mian Nawaz Sharif’s question Mujhe kyun nikala. Because he couldn’t imitate either Kim or Trump. On the other hand, Imran Khan has a full head of hair, though it is quite a respectable growth he has, and there is none of the groundswell for execution that is the bane of the lives of Trump’s and Kim’s respective barbers.