Last month, like thousands of others, I decided to emigrate for a more prosperous future for my family. The decision wasn’t easy and had been under discussion for years before I took a leap of faith and relocated with my family. Emigration is a challenging phase of life and one of life’s major stressors. I don’t remember ever experiencing the overwhelming anxiety I went through while consolidating my entire life in Pakistan. It was crushing at times as my mind and body oscillated between the grief of leaving my home, the guilt of abandoning a sinking ship, leaving family and friends, and the fear of an unknown future, questioning whether this was the right decision to make. My nervous system was in a constant fight mode, with the sheer decision fatigue of what to keep, what to sell, and what to take with us. I never fully understood or appreciated what it takes to build a life and a home—whether material things, work, people, or memories, all of which we invest in over the years, blindly and without fully appreciating them.
And then, there was the fear of the unknown and settling into this strange and new place. My mind would spin with thoughts and emotions. ‘How will I learn the new way of life? I’m in my 40s. It’s too late to adapt. I’m spoilt rotten in Pakistan with the support system I have in the form of house staff, my friends and family. I’m on home ground, and I can navigate my life with my eyes shut, depending on muscle memory. How will I manage here?’
It’s been a month since I arrived, and every day is a new learning experience, not only of this world but, more importantly, an opportunity to unlearn some of the beliefs I had grown up with and learn something new.
The most important learning that slowly and gradually brought ease to my overstimulated body and mind, calming my nerves, was the realisation of the innate capacity and resilience that human beings are born with to adapt to any new environment, even if there are a few protests here and there. We can learn and grow in any space and need no prior knowledge to do so. Knowledge helps with anxiety and can prepare us, but at the end of the day, life is all about showing up, and we can survive and thrive at the same time.
To those of you who are in the process of migrating and are overwhelmed by recurring thoughts and emotions, stop and breathe. Do it as many times as you can. The best way is to focus on the here and now and park the future worry aside. Be open and curious about what you will face, and trust that you have it in you to make it work. Words matter, so rather than struggling with fear as I did and thinking, ‘Will we make it?’, tell yourself, ‘When we make it.’
Paying attention to the present and wrapping up life from your current home also means allowing yourself to process the emotions associated with leaving your country, without indulging in a chaotic world of emotions where fear of the future is also thrown into the mix. Processing emotions slowly and comprehensively is important and will support the relocation and the kind of energy you take to your new home. Change is tough. Undoubtedly scary. Uncomfortable. But change is inevitable in life, and the most important thing to remember is that we change with the change without any intention. We don’t need to plan how to change. It will happen with or without any effort.
So, breathe. Pause. Trust the process. Pay attention to your mental health during the period of migration.
Zara Maqbool
The writer is a BACP (British Association for Counselling and Psycho-therapy) accredited individual and couple psycho-therapist based in Islamabad. She can be reached at zaramaqbool@yahoo.com.