It seems that former President Asif Zardari is very concerned these days, because the Mauritian President, Ameenah Gurib-Fakim, is resigning, after the country’s Independence Day ceremonies, because she made purchases amounting to several hundred thousands of Mauritian rupees on a credit card issued to the Planet Earth Institute, an NGO founded by a shady Angolan businessman Alvaro Sobrinho– who had applied for a banking licence which President Gurib-Fakim was pursuing.

Of course, Mr Zardari would be concerned about any President charged with corruption. Yet he would also be kicking himself for having overlooked this method. Yet it has been heard of in our context. After all, didn’t Arsalan Iftikhar, son of Chief Justice Iftikhar Muhammad Chaudhry spend vast amounts through a credit card obtained from Bahria Town chief Riaz Malik?

Apart from fraternal concern about a head of state accused of corruption, the chivalrous Mr Zardari would also be concerned at the treatment meted out to the first woman to head a state in the whole of Africa. It was lucky that the issue was resolved the day after International Woman’s Day, otherwise this year’s IWD would have been famed for the way she was treated. Surely Mauritius could have found some better way of celebrating IWD?

Pakistan was a little late, but the suspected killer of KP medical student, Asma Rani, Mujahidullah Afridi, was brought back under arrest. He ruined two women’s lives, Asma by killing her for refusing his marriage proposal, and his first wife by fleeing and then getting caught. Imagine what she must be going through, and for no fault of her own.

Anyway, coming back to President Gurib-Fakim, she can probably complain that Imran Khan thought it apparently beneath him to come to Mauritius to stage a sit-in against her. At the same time, Mian Nawaz Sharif is cautiously sympathetic, even though she cannot say ‘Mujhe kyun nikala’ because she resigned. The credit card thing is better than old-fashioned cash. Would the Baluchistan Finance Secretary with sacks of foreign currency been caught if all he had had been a plastic card kept conveniently in his wallet?

Well, he got out after a plea bargain. Perhaps Ahad Cheema, the former MD of LDA, should try the same thing to get out of NAB custody. Not only was he not released despite being a twice born CSS officer, but he was joined by a number of other officials, who had been involved in the Ashiana Iqbal scheme. True, engineers were included, who deserve arrest even without charge, not being DMG officers, thus being untouchables like the rest of us.

The lowly once-born among us were focused on the Senate chairmanship elections, which were very confusing. The only thing that emerged with any clarity was the unwillingness of PTI chief Imran Khan to be in the same room as Asif Zardari or Mian Nawaz Sharif. Well, while Mian Nawaz is not in the same House, what if Zardari is in the next Parliament? And what about Raza Rabbani, whom both Mian Nawaz and Zardari have exposed as a Nawaz matwala. Somehow, Rabbani is being left with no choice but to join the PTI. Imagine him, Ch Nisar and Aleem Khan all in the PTI. They could almost challenge the Chairman. Or at least his flowing locks, which have impressed his spiritual guide enough for her to marry him, and will get him the youth vote this time.

I wonder if the youth in Hyderabad will vote for him, the one whose father, a butcher, chopped off his hand for watching internet porn on his mobile. Not that the father can be defended, but his professional heartlessness was worsened by the son watching porn repeatedly, after repeated prohibitions. If Imran wants the youth vote, perhaps he should campaign on the slogan ‘Don’t get caught’.

Imran seems arrayed on the side of authority, and though he should sympathise with the boy who had his nose cut off by a local landlord for pulling up a sugarcane from one of his fields. Imran has as his Secretary-General Jahangir Tareen, of the sugar lobby, who probably feels that sugarcane fields must be protected.

However, another big event in the world of hair is the expected meeting between North Korean supremo Kim Jong-Il and US President Donald Trump. They might settle world peace, but things could get, well, hairy, if they try to settle who has the worse barber.

Meanwhile, we have Russian leader Putin trying to sow confusion, denying that he tried to interfere in US elections, and speculating that Ukrainians, Jews or Tatars could be responsible, and that they might have dual citizenship, or even be US citizens.

He wasn’t the only person confused. Himanshu Bharadwaj suffered head injuries in a motorcycle accident in Chhindwara, Madhya Pradesh, and was declared dead. But when he reached the autopsy table, the doctors said he still had a pulse. He was brain dead, right enough, but still alive after a night in the morgue.

Of course, brain death should not be the fault of the luminary who threw ink at Khawaja Asif. Why not the more traditional shoe, as flung at Mian Nawaz Sharif? The ink at Khawaja Asif was supposed to be over the attempt to change the Khatam-i- Nabuwwat declaration in the election form. I suspect that the ink was an attempt to besmirch our image abroad, assuming there is any image left after the FATF contretemps. Or was it an attempt to make Khawaja take a bath? And what might be the secret behind that?

As for Mian Nawaz, maybe now he realises that some people feel strongly about Mumtaz Qadri. Still, blasphemy, even according to the traditionalists, does not rate having things thrown at you. There’s only one sentence. Neither shoes nor ink cut it. And you know, the shoe at Mian Nawaz shows that Brelvis are not necessarily the tolerant people many think they are. If you needed evidence after Qadri killed Punjab Governor Salmaan Taseer.