With a remarkable insight into the lives of the opposite gender, a local man is considered an expert on women’s issues, the local man reported this week.
Besides being an excellent judge of their character and conduct, he has a deep understanding of the nature of the myriad of problems faced by women in diverse situations ranging from workplace concerns and financial management, to domestic issues, intimacy and religious practice. And he can come up with simple but brilliant ways to solve them, sources say.
A number of his friends, relatives, colleagues and neighborhood acquaintances confirm that the 32-year-old single middle-level manager who identifies himself as liberal and supports equal opportunities for women has an outstanding ability to comprehend the sources of problems faced by women after only having known them casually for a brief period of time. “In fact, sometimes he surprises us with his astute understanding of the issues faced by women he has only seen but never spoken to,” a friend divulged to this scribe.
Women in his neighborhood and workplace confirm that they are impressed by his ability to evaluate their situations in such a short amount of time, and many have expressed gratitude that he frequently shares his analyses with them.
“Some of the things he says are eye-opening,” his friend’s wife told this scribe. “Once he told me how the reason I was being harassed by my boss was that my attire was usually inappropriate. And suddenly it all began to make sense.” The girl said not only was it a pleasant surprise that men actually notice what women are wearing, but more importantly, she quickly began to see how she had just missed some simple facts. “Now I can see clearly that my boss making inappropriate comments and jokes is related to the fact that I wear jeans. I mean, men wear jeans, and men talk filthy to other men even when the other men clearly don’t seem to be interested in listening to those things, so it is logical that if a woman will wear jeans they will say sexually explicit things to her too, regardless of whether she likes it or not. Isn’t that what equality is about?”
The man’s skills have even been recognized by women he has never spoken to. One co-worker revealed that she became an admirer after she heard him sharing his remarkably sharp observation about her with a male colleague. “At first I was amazed to hear his extremely accurate description of my body despite my modest clothing, and his correct analyses of which parts of my body had recently accumulated fat,” she said on condition of anonymity. “He diagnosed how it was related to the various aspects of my lifestyle, such as my diet and physical activity about which he made very intelligent guesses, but was sensitive enough to explore the positive effects of this phenomenon on my husband’s sexual psychology. I developed a very strong respect for him.”
His expertise in health and fitness as well as his professional background in financial management has benefited a large number of housewives. “I remember that evening when we invited his parents and him to dinner last year. My life has not been the same since then,” his aunt said while wiping a tear. “The proficiency with which he deconstructed each one of my recipes to expose the negative effects of the various ingredients on human health was inspiring,” she said, adding that he substantiated every single argument he had made with evidence quoted from the impressive variety of health-related email forwards he had studied. Then, in less than 10 minutes, he gave her hassle-free but effective recipes that would not only save her a very significant amount of money but also guarantee excellent health for her and her family. “I am sure the only reason he doesn’t cook is that he is too busy with his job,” she said. “I have no doubt that if he had the time, he’d make a great cook.”
His acumen in home management has also benefitted a female cousin who received a stern but insightful critique on her grocery list, a colleague who received guidance on how she should spend her salary, and his mother, who sources say has ignored a number of detailed lecturers on home management.
Talking to this scribe, the man brushed aside criticism that he was in no position to comment on women’s issues. “I am friends with a number of women and I have even been intimate with one girl on the internet,” he revealed. “I know what women want.” Sources in his family said he had looked up key terms related to gender and sexuality the first time they bought him a dictionary, and had read chapters on the subject in a number of books on religion and ethics at a very young age.
The author has a degree in Poetics of Prophetic Discourse and works as a Senior Paradigm Officer.
Email:harris@nyu.edu
Tweets at:@cyborgasms