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What happens when you are of a certain skin tone? We are the color that must not be said out loud, that must not be named. Okay, we’ll say it anyway, we are NOT fair. We are *drum roll* dark skinned.

But that’s actually a good thing in our culture – for those who aren’t dark.

How? Let us enlighten you.

Let us tell you the favors a dark-skinned person does for you.

1. Saves you caffeine money:

We all know for a FACT that coffee or chai darkens the skin. It’s like people who believe and spread this knowledge with the utmost confidence sat in science labs for years testing on rats before discovering this very valid point.  So you fair and lovelies, only spend money on white milk. Because science.

2. Gives you more wardrobe choice:

Color choices are close to zero for dark skin (as per Pakistani Gora rules). Being dark is easy on the bank because you don’t have to buy me so many clothes. One color is ok. Black. What does that mean for you gori chitties? More colors! I mean of course if we ever *god forbid* wore any colors, you’d run out of colors to wear wouldn’t you because I mean there’s only so many colors in the world! You really do look as good as you think you do in that bright parrot green top with the lace pink and orange stripes. Really! God promise!

3. Black makes you beautiful:

If there was no darkness, one would never appreciate light. Hence, if I wasn’t there standing beside you, looking all dark and dusky, wearing black, drinking black coffee, nobody would look at your sparkly glowly face now would they? If your friend/sis/cousin was just as gori as you or even more – where would your social life go? The dog house. That’s where!

4. Dark-skinned wives spare husband jealousy:

Usually, if a light skinned man (or even a red/blue/neon/purple/ebony colored man) gets dark skinned wife, he’s very very very unfortunate and of course a bechara. But you’re missing the silver lining here. If his wife is sanwali, it means she isn’t worth a second glance meaning no other man (or woman for that matter) will look at her. The husband doesn’t have to worry about her straying or having an affair, ever! On the contrary, he is free to go batsh*t crazy with his extramarital love life. Ashley Madison – you just found a very happy customer! And they won’t even blame him, they will blame his wife.

5. What you see is what you get:

Dark skinned girls don’t wear tons of make-up because cosmetics cannot hide the way she looks so she will be dark even with layers of foundation so why bother, right? So no one will EVER mistake her for someone else because y’all know exactly what she looks like. She will look the same the morning after her wedding and on her Facebook pictures too. So she spares you the mistaken identity crisis. As it is not her skin that turns fifty shades of grey in the heat because she’s put like extra 60 layers of foundation on her face to look extra fair. Also, she will never look like she has chalk on her face.

6. Your sun block will never run out

You will never have to worry about running to the store and being horrified to find that your favorite sunblock, the one that blocks your pores to the point of suffocation, is out of stock.

Why?

Because dark skin girls let their skin breathe. They can go out with just the basic sunscreen and a hat and get a nice pink tinge to their faces in the end. On the other hand, the gori skin burns horribly and the tan lines look like lashes and the person ends up looking like a lobster. That is if you don’t wear gloves and have an umbrella to avoid even 2 inches of the sun.

All jokes aside, or included because who cares, FACT is: you're born with the skin that you're in so it doesn’t matter what color you are. It's all beautiful and to discriminate on the basis of color is dumb. It’s even dumber when you're actually ONE race....the BROWN race. Please!

It's not like the light-toned amongst us are actual ‘WHITES’ or  suddenly Caucasian and that we must hail them for the lack of melanin they have in their skins. Get a grip people. If you're a desi gora, you're just a little less brown. So what's the f**king deal?