Bosses. You look at them and think: are they like us? Do they ever feel unprepared or illogical? Apprehensive, anxious and a complete mess at times? Do they ever forget their assignments altogether and be like “I am a useless piece of crap”.

To most of us employees they are such a mystery. Like Scooby Doo I can’t resist solving mysteries. In my opinion, there are broadly two kinds of bosses: the ‘scoffers’ and the ‘chums’. You can read the rest of the article to know what category your boss falls in.

The scoffers are usually the ones who believe that employees are driven by fear. They would absolutely make sure that you feel inadequate in your work environment. Their aim is not to make you give up on life, but (I hope) with the intent to imbue the thought that “I have to try harder to prove that I belong here.” Such bosses seldom tell you that you did a good job. The ultimate compliment from them is silence. Because if there is a mistake, they will make sure to shred that ounce of integrity left in you.

Such bosses are hated (no surprise there). If you are a boss and are reading this, this is how you know you are a scoffer.

1.       Your employees change their direction if they see you coming. (Very common)

2.       They try not to make an eye contact with you, when you are mad at them.

3.       Whenever you walk in, there is a strange silence. A silence that says, “Fun, just died”.

4.       Employees fall sick every now and then, but they all kind of look healthy.

5.       Their cars breakdown quite often. (Most of them don’t have cars. Thank you for not noticing)

6.       Your employees are not that active on Facebook. (Or are you restricted?)

7.       Your employees have developed a language; sign or verbal. It’s gibberish to you. But it’s gold for them.

8.       You are not invited to many employee get-togethers (The one who invites you looks shunned by the rest).

9.       Finally, if you walk by employees in the cafeteria and you hear them talk about work. You undeniably are a scoffer. (No employee in their right mind talks about work when on break. Period)

As for the chums, they are cool bosses. They talk about sports and movies with you. They believe that communication is the key. They will be your friend, therapist and your counsellor. They believe in teamwork and never like it when you call them ‘boss’. Aren’t they perfect?

Wait a second. You are so naïve.

Such bosses believe that employees are driven by guilt. They are so nice and understanding that one feels like a turd if their performance sucks. How can they ever say ‘no’ to their sympathetic and empathetic bosses? Would you ever say no to your friend?

No! You won’t. So start working and be happy.

Hey bosses, this is how you know that you are a ‘chum’

1.       Your employees basically care for you. If you don’t show up to work, they notice. Not because they feel blissful, but the contrary.

2.       They can attend calls in front of you from family and friends.

3.       Your employees can be stand-up comedians. They crack jokes all the time. Some of the jokes are aimed right at you.

4.       When you enter the building, you never see them anxiously working. One of them is always texting.

5.       They actually tell you when they feel out of place or ‘bored’.

6.       Your employees do not give you the protocol that a boss deserves aka they never stand up for you.

7.       They don’t mind you poking fun at them. But they all join in.

8.       They all give genuine smiles to you.

Tag your boss if he/she is a chum if you share this post on social media. Tag a scoffer and then file in your resignation letter the very next day (or you won’t need one – you will get fired). "Let the games begin and may the odds be forever in your favor.”