“I have a tragic history of child molestation and sexual abuse.”
“I grew up with three elder sisters, and had no brother. My parents decided to hire a boy to help us with household work. My parents admitted him to school as well, took care of his basic necessities while he served us for years.”
[Distress crept into her voice]
“That boy, who was older than me, used to touch and rub my breasts and say ‘So yeah, you are growing up.’ This used to happen regularly when nobody was around.”
[But why didn’t she talk to anybody in her family or friends?]
“I always felt uncomfortable. Being a shy and quiet child I was unable to talk to any of my sisters or mother. Life went on…”
“One day when everybody was sleeping, he hugged me from behind and wrapped his arms around my neck. I could feel his penis against my body. I was still a child, and didn't know what exactly was going on. But it didn’t feel good. He rubbed his penis against my backside for almost five minutes. I wanted to get rid of him; I tried to free myself but he had held me real tight. I even cried and asked him to leave me alone. But he didn't. After a few minutes, he did let me go.”
“I went through a mental trauma after this incident. I knew something was wrong because I didn't feel good about it. But I didn’t know how to react. I have never told this to anybody. Ever. I don't feel guilty about not speaking about it because I think I was a child and I didn’t know how to react. But it makes me sad to think that child abuse can be prevented at a very early stage. Only if I knew what to do…”
“Sexual abuse didn't stop here.”
[She looked dejected]
“I was born in a small city but then moved to Lahore for higher studies. Even though I had been studying in co-education, I had never been friends with any boys. I was in my Bachelors, when I first interacted with men.”
“He was just a friend of mine. One day he took me out for lunch to a hotel-cum-restaurant. I was friendly and emotionally intimate with him. But my intimacy was misunderstood. I never knew his intentions. I had no idea what he was planning to do. He took me to his room and ordered food. After lunch, he started touching me in an extremely inappropriate manner. He forcibly undressed me. He raped me. It wasn't done with my consent.”
“My trust was shattered. I was destroyed, but unfortunately I didn’t talk about it. I feared that nobody would trust me. I would be the one who would be blamed. I won't have been able to provide four witnesses if I took the matter to court. I was shattered mentally, emotionally and physically, but my rapist is still free to move."
“I think it’s too late to ask for justice now, but I’m absolutely dejected every time I see innocence getting murdered by wild beasts.”
[There was silence…]