Dr A H Khayal Woman invented cosmetics for self-beautification. Man got jealous. He burnt with a passion for making his looks more attractive. He kept searching for something, which would serve his purpose. He searched for years but without achieving his objective. He was morose. But he did not surrender. He cogitated and cogitated and cogitated. All of a sudden, he exclaimed: Eureka Eureka Ill use a necktie as a cosmetic. Since that day, man has been using ties as woman has been using cosmetics. Probably, Iran is the only country where neither the rulers nor the masses wear ties. Perhaps, for the Iranians there is something feminine about the tie. Like the Iranians, the Chinese were also allergic to ties during Maos regime. Even for some years following Maos death, the Chinese were tieless. But as material prosperity grew in China, the ties wrapped themselves round the Chinese necks. Today ties are as fashionable in China as anywhere else in the world. Cosmetics are fairly expensive entities. Ties are no less so. The ties, which are being used all over the world must be worth millions of dollars. In the backward countries the masses are miserably hungry. They keep regularly dying of starvation. When breathing their last they keep looking despairingly at the ties worn by the privileged classes. They die with their looks fixed on the ties. The privileged classes in the backward countries believe that their necks need more nourishment than the starving masses need food. Moreover the privileged classes firmly hold that their ties-embellished necks are a great honour for the country at the international level whereas empty stomachs are an insult. These stomachs must die as soon as possible. Female cosmetics are no physical danger to a lady. If for some reason a lady gets violent with another lady, she can slap her or twist her arms. But she cant scrape off the cosmetics during the fight. Now look at the tie. Imagine a scuffle between a tie-wearing person and a tieless person. The non-tier can get hold of the tie of the tie-wearer and squeeze it as much as he can. The tier must be helpless. He could collapse. The victor must thank the victims tie for his victory. In backward countries, ties symbolise social status. The more expensive the ties, the greater the status of the wearer. When the rulers of a backward country look at their ties in a mirror, they feel elevated to heaven. There are reports (of course unconfirmed) that some rulers of the backward countries are so ties-addicts that they sleep with their ties on. They cant bear the agony of separation even for a single moment. The IMF lends money to the backward countries. The Fund well knows that a substantial part of each loan is monopolised by the rulers for their personal benefits. The details of the monopolisations can never be known. But, luckily, there is one particular item, which betrays the dishonesty of the rulers. It is the necktie. The rulers use a part of the loan money for decorating their necks. One wonders if there could be more sinister use of the money borrowed by the country. It is the moral obligation of the IMF that while lending money to a backward country, it must make it obligatory for the rulers that they wont wear ties. Thus the money saved could be used for feeding the hungry masses. Obviously, there should be nothing humiliating about the naked necks of the rulers. But there is nothing more humiliating for a country than the empty stomachs of its masses. If the rulers of the backward countries were to give up wearing ties and the money thus saved used for feeding the hungry masses, the naked necks of the rulers would sparkle more beautifully than the stars in the skies. The writer is an academic.