As ISIS makes its presence known in Pakistan with street graffiti all over the country, defense analysts say the country must get ready to fight with the terrorist group on its own battleground: the walls of all the major cities in Pakistan.

“And we are not talking about just Facebook walls,” said a retired military officer who continues to fight for Pakistan even after he left the military, responding to threats to Pakistan’s ideology that emerge on the internet. Analysts believe the kind of response to ideological attacks that has proven to be effective online is too impolite to reproduce on city walls. But there is a consensus in Pakistan that something needs to be done.

“This is the time to decide,” a member of the ruling party told reporters at a press conference in Islamabad. “We are either with the terrorists, or against them, or not sure yet because this all might be a conspiracy against our country and our faith.”

“So far, we had seen graffiti about Pakistan’s real problems, such as a coldhearted beloved, male pattern baldness, obesity, infertility and our limited choice of election candidates,” says a man who has made a living painting ads on the walls of Lahore. He stresses the need to restore the original style of graffiti in the country, adding that it addresses some real concerns of the people of Pakistan and can be beneficial to the society at large. “Two famous politicians’ dramatic hair regrowth and the recent wedding of their rival at the age of 62 are proofs of the miracle cures that we advertise,” he insists.

“These terrorists are such barbarians, they can’t even pick up a proper brush and paint, or do proper Urdu calligraphy,” he lamented. “They just use spray paint in handwriting worse than that of doctors. It saddens me to see such decline in people’s aesthetics. We must fight this menace.”

“We do not have to fight them directly,” the retired military officer insists. “The best strategy will be to arm groups of civilians and train them in gorilla warfare, motivate them in the name of religion, and promise them they are fighting for the eminence of Islam in the world.” He said that way, Pakistan could deny direct responsibility for their actions and use them as strategic assets as and when needed. “I wonder why no one has thought of such a strategy before,” he wonders.

But veteran civil society leaders say the battleground for this urban warfare should be limited, in order to limit the number of possible civilian casualties. “War is not the only solution,” one activist wrote in his newspaper column last week. “We need to fight their ideology with a counter-narrative, that we can spray-paint on the walls of our cities,” he elaborated.

A journalist believes drawing pictures of dead people will have the same effect as people dying in a war. “Sometimes people die but people don’t get to see pictures of them, and public opinion is not mobilized,” he explains. “Sometimes nobody dies but we see pictures of dead people from some other occasions on Facebook with fake captions, and public opinion is mobilized.”

Sources say the government was working on a three-step strategy to deal with ISIS graffiti, known as the Three Ds – deletion, dialogue and disrespect. “The first step involves just deleting all their graffiti, and pretending it never existed in the first place,” a government official divulged. “If they continue to rewrite their slogans on our walls, we will move to the second step, which is carrying out a dialogue with them on the walls of our cities.” The authorities have not been able to identify the people who write ISIS graffiti, and that is why analysts argue the best way to have a conversation with them is right under their graffiti. “But if we are not able to convince them to lay down weapons and give up their plans to take over our country, we will show them what we are capable of,” the government official explained. “We will paint aphrodisiac ads on top of their vows to rule us.”

“I hope it doesn’t get to that,” a housewife says. “The militants are our friends, they are just angry with us right now. We can easily persuade them to come back to us. I know a magician who can melt hearts of stone.”