Dear not-so-white girls,

I feel sorry for you if your genes have betrayed you and you are unfortunate enough to be born a brown girl. Being one myself, I feel your pain.

 You see, you shouldn’t be complaining about being discriminated against or being body shamed because it’s a KNOWN fact that white people are superior. Pfft, I mean walking around a little in history and you’ll know. In fact, we should all thank the fair people for letting us share the world regardless of the visual pollution we cause.  Oh, and there’s a thing called makeup – do us all a favour, and use some of that.

Most of my friends don’t want to feel the sun on their skin or take a walk on the beach because, obviously, what if they get a tan? How embarrassing would it be to show up in school in their sun kissed skin! Ew. Curse the melanin for trying to be over efficient! Everybody knows that it’s better to get skin cancer than to get KAALI. I mean who wants to explore nature and go outdoors on adventures when it involves the risk of getting dark. Eek!

If you are upset about the fact that your chances of getting married are low because of your skin color, then stop being selfish. I mean, we’re all open minded individuals, but why would we want to pass on the genes of darkness to the next generation? Have mercy on the children, you stonehearted black peasant! Your personality doesn’t matter, nor do your degrees. It’s all about your number on the shade card.

If you are a boy and you like an olive-skinned girl, then your love story is doomed to be tragic, Romeo. “Ye Shaadi nahi ho sakti!” So please get a grip, and find a “suitable” girl.

I wish those fairness creams worked as well as they do in those advertisements, then, according to Zubaida Apa’s special formula, “gora hota Pakistan”. And some guy would sing “goray goray gaal, ye hai Stillman’s ka kamaal” at a random wedding for us. Alas, these ads are only there to put us back in our place, dare we forget. I mean, a constant reminder of the need to get fair ten times a day surely does get the message across loud and clear. All these cancer causing and toxic ingredients in the creams would’ve been fine, only if they worked.

Don’t you dare get offended by the aunties who constantly give you skin whitening tips, like rubbing lemon, tomato juice and basically everything in the fridge on your face. I mean they are just trying to help, you should listen. Michael Jackson probably listened to his aunts too.

Your friends might fool you into believing that you are attractive and that your skin color is perfect. But, trust me, deep down they feel very sorry for you and very happy that they aren’t you. You don’t believe me? Well, then the next time you meet them, try saying you look darker today and watch the agony on their faces: as if you’ve told them that they are HIV positive. Or maybe try calling them fair and see them swell with pride and glow with sheer delight.

Every time you complain about your skin color, your friends will console you as if you have some disease – well, maybe you do. Oh, and the best consolation I’ve gotten is “you’re not black, you’re just brown” as if being black would’ve been such a tragedy that I should thank God for making me a few shades lighter.  It’s a hereditary condition in which your skin tends to adapt to the environment in order to protect you from the sun and gives you a golden glow – how painful.

Don’t worry, brown one; forget the hate, and stay strong.

With love,

A brown girl