S: You know who I am really sick off? These conspiracy-brewing Indians. I mean, everyone loves a good story. But sometimes they just cross the line.

A: Haha. What did we do now? Oh is it that whole Maliha Lodhi incident? Where apparently we are housing Dawood Ibrahim? I mean why would we keep some other country’s criminals? And don’t we have enough of our own?

S: Indeed. Apparently India claims that Dawood Ibrahim owns the house in a posh sector of Islamabad, near the Margalla hills. And they are dead sure about it. However, when the Pakistani media went to see the truth in this story, it turns out it was actually… surprise surprise… Dr. Maliha Lodhi house. She is Pakistan’s permanent representative to the UN. I mean talk about weird coincidences. And additionally, how insulting. India should really apologise.

A: Maybe it is their way of sending us a signal. They have always been quite resistant to talking about Kashmir. Lodhi has always advocated resolution of the Kashmir issue as per the aspirations of the Kashmiris. Maybe it is their way of saying they will never accept a Kashmir resolution, by also telling us that they hate us. It has all been very cleverly planned. A little too clever, that our politicians might not get it.

S: First it was the pigeon. Now this. Followed by Saif Ali Khan “giving up” on us for a banned film. I am really beginning to realize that there is no way we can ever be ‘friends’ with them. I mean, the prime ministers of both the countries can take how many pictures they want, but the truth is that things will only get worse.

A: Is it too far-fetched to blame colonialism for this? Yes?

S: groan