In line with the great Pakistani tradition of making your opponent feel utterly miserable and for as long as possible after they have been proven wrong, this report explores how the judicial commission set up to probe Imran Khan’s allegations of election rigging decided against his party despite the fact that the PTI had produced a truck full of evidence before the judges. This scribe spoke to experts about what was in that truck, and why it did not work.

– “Whereas: a) I have previously only seen evidence that was stationary in nature and could not be easily moved around, and b) a good truck allows documentary evidence to be relocated from one place to another with an ease and agility that other means of transport cannot match, one is justified in concluding that this was a big moment in the judicial history of Pakistan.

One cannot help but appreciate the astute way in which the PTI has handled the available evidence. Instead of spending days sorting through the documents and papers at hand, they used an intelligent algorithm: they unloaded everything in the court’s backyard and let them read and sort the files and make whatever sense of them they deem useful. If the court were not willing or able to do that, thenin all likelihood they would tend to assume all the evidence is valid. As the legal axiom goes, the more the evidence, the harder it is for a judge to say no. Hence only car trunk full of evidence, or even a whole van full of proofs, would not have been enough.” –Kami Kalacoatwala (lawyer and part time newspaper editor)
– “Hey stop lying ok? That wasn’t a truck carrying the evidence to court. That was Shireen Mazari carrying the evidence to court. And it’s not her fault. Most veteran politicians who have joined the PTI recently are too old to physically carry all those piles of documents. I admit though that Imran Khan should have done it himself. He exercises every day and is still young and energetic, as he has repeatedly pointed out in his speeches, and as has been demonstrated in recent occurrences.” –Lateef Lighter (freelance palmist and retired cat psychologist)
– “That truck must be full of the entire volume of votes that the PTI received in the last elections. There’s no better way to prove you have won the elections than loading a truck full of votes and parading it around the capital in front of the media. The point is they are too many to count, so there’s no need to count them. There’s no way they could have lost the elections with that many votes.” –Jamshed Jubilee (election expert and part time accounting student)
– “All those files in the truck, they must be the transcripts of Imran Khan’s speeches that he delivered during his protest. Wait no, that can’t be it, he didn’t even have a speechwriter, and it was three pages of content repeated over and over again for half a year. My bad. I should think before making allegations.” –Naughty Nasreen (image consultant)
– “It is easy to bring a truck full of evidence to a court, but it’s not that easy to take all that evidence back home after you lose the case. Therefore, as the owner of one of Pakistan’s largest transport companies, I have recently offered a special discount package on two-way bookings to carry evidence to and from courts. There’s a large market of overconfident people with a sense of entitlement who are too naïve to understand how the law works. We must tap into that market.” –Nasheela Niazi (transport company owner and part time negotiator in abduction situations)
– “Trucks are like Imran Khan – they are loud, they are scary, and they are bad for the environment. I am amazed that Imran Khan and his followers have used this large gas-guzzling machine at a time when Pakistan is already in the middle of a crippling energy crisis, and climate change has been causing natural disasters every year. We must stop pollution.” –Babu Butt (factory owner and spokesperson of Gujranwala Labor Union)
– “By the way, heavy transport vehicles are not allowed inside the city limits before midnight. Exactly when did the PTI submit that evidence to court?” – Thakela Thanedar (policeman and part time criminal)