Well, the Olympic Games have opened again, this time in London, and we are in for the usual disappointment in hockey, though the last time London had Olympic Games, back in 1912, not only was there no hockey, there was no Pakistan competing. There was a Sun newspaper, but there was no War on Terror, and there was no report about passports for terrorists.

There are a number of dimensions to the report. First, it showed the attempt by the British press to malign NADRA. Then, it cannot be without significance that the scam not only involves the Interior Ministry, of which Rehman Malik is in charge, but also impinges upon his old department, the Protectorate of Immigrants. And someone out to distract Rehman Malik (or rather, to give him his proper title, Dr) seems to be noticed that the Olympiad was taking place in the same country as had taken him to its bosom by granting him its citizenship. It is another matter that he resigned from the Senate only to contest the by-election where he submitted the giving up of citizenship application he had not been able to give to the Supreme Court. Or perhaps which he didn’t want to give them. No wonder. He did give the Supreme Court some paper, which the judges were not fooled by. But the Provincial Election Commissioner Sindh, who conducted the by-election, probably didn’t ask too many questions.

Still, it must be some reassurance to the UK that the scam is in the hands of someone who was, at least until very recently, an Englishman. That might explain why Dr Malik is still entrusted with being the Sole Warrior on Terror. It might also explain why Dr Malik is faced with a scam involving terrorists. The scam Dr Malik’s ministry is normally involved in is about Pakistani young men trying to find a better life by using illegal means to migrate to the UK. Of course, the UK is now reduced to the indignity of merely being a transit stop en route to the USA, but it is still likely that those who go to the UK because it is a way station to the USA, would still prefer to live in the UK than in their own country.

The UK has also got the Olympics going, which seems to have been originally a celebration of sport, but is now apparently mostly about the advertisers, none of whom have been athletes in their time, but who now seem to have taken over not just the Olympics, but also the other periodic sports events, like the football and cricket World Cups.

In their own country, they would have the blessing of Ramazan in the monsoon. Well, I suppose it’s the monsoon, though there’s by no means enough rain. I believe the people in the Met Office who predicted a really wild monsoon are not at all embarrassed about this, and can be seen muttering about the El Niño Effect, which is a convenient way of blaming something else if they are gloriously wrong. Of course, that is a role more familiarly played by global warming, but even in the heat, we can be grateful for the fact that there is democracy, and that the President is still President.

This is going to be our only compensation when they turn off the lights for the last time. It seems that paying WAPDA its massive bills has not stopped the circular debt problem from growing to about 350 billion. One result has been that the promise of no loadshedding, not during Ramazan, but at sehr and iftar, has not been fulfilled. Well, what do you expect, with Raja Rental busier taking across cakes to celebrate the birthday of the preserver of democracy; sorry, he is President. I presume that the President and Prime Minister, being true jiyalas, upheld by the glorious traditions of the party by not waiting for their share of cake, but first elbowing each other in a scramble for as much cake as they can get, and then flinging some of it at one another, and grabbing one another and rubbing it into each other’s hair.

We must count ourselves fortunate that both President and Prime Minister have enough hair to advertise hair oil. Imagine having to rub birthday cake into the hair of Governor Latif Khosa, or Khyber-Pakhtunkhwa Governor Masood Kausar. Even Dr Malik, or Dr Babar Awan, who must have had a fun time at the Presidency birthday party, would be challenged. The previous Prime Minister had what was upto the 19th century known as a ‘noble forehead’, which was code for ‘receding hairline.’

However, the rest of us can’t eat cake; we’re too busy experiencing what our ancestors used to do before the spread of electricity. The power goes off more now during the day, making the fasts all that harder. But I suppose we can be happy that even if there isn’t any power at least we have Democracy, and in the words of the nursery rhyme, “The king was in his counting-house, counting out his money/The queen was in her parlour, eating bread and honey.’ Or rather, birthday cake. And what about the masses? Well, they are like the four-and-twenty blackbirds. Yes, baked in a pie.