What is India’s gender?

Men’s fashion
Dear Sir,
I want to bring your kind attention to the lack of coverage of fashion for straight men in your esteemed newspaper.
Most of the male fashion models that appear in your publication seem to be wearing washed and ironed apparel, and appear to shower regularly. Such images disenfranchise a large number of common men from popular fashion. An occasional fat hairy man wearing wife beaters that appears in your news section is a sight for sore eyes.
Such images should be more common, and the models should be shown consuming large amounts of food, disregarding most conventions of personal hygiene, and losing temper and engaging in physical and verbal abuse at regular intervals.
This will make your fashion pages relatable to a large number of straight, common, everyday men, thus bringing a marginalised perspective into the mainstream.
Kashif Kamchor,
Lahore.

Language and gender
Dear Sir,
This is in response to reports of outrage in the social media over what are being called misogynist comments by famous TV person Faisal Qureshi in response to a controversial new Indian film.
Respectfully, I beg to submit that we should adopt a more liberal approach towards such discourse. If we take misogyny out from everyday language, we will not be able to resort to even the most common forms of abusive language against India. Political correctness is good, but it should not be allowed to deny us the freedom of creative use of sexual imagery in language to express anger.
Therefore, I request that we should be allowed this one exception.
Regards
Mazhar Fakhr,
Karachi.

What is India’s gender?
Dear Sir,
In the light of recent comments by famous TV anchor Faisal Qureshi against Indian film star Saif Ali Khan, as well as the reactions to the statement in the social media, I request your esteemed newspaper to start a debate about the gender of India.
Personally, I have a feeling that Pakistan is male, whereas India is female. That is the only way to explain the infiltration paradigm. It may thus be said that I agree with Mr Qureshi’s gender assignment in this regard.
Please cover this debate in detail and inform your readers about the opinions of esteemed experts from various fields as to whether India is male or female.
Regards
Danish Danishwar,
Faisalabad.
Application for leave
Sir,
I am writing this letter to you to request you to ask renowned leader Imran Khan to change the date of his sit-in outside the Election Commission office from October 4 to some other suitable slot. I will be on a sick leave from work at that time due to severe headache and nausea.
Attached is a letter from my doctor that confirms my sickness at that date, and says I will need complete bed rest for two weeks to be able to recover properly. I apologise for the inconvenience it may cause.
If I begin my leave on October 1 as planned and return to the office on October 15, I would have availed my allowed sick leave of two weeks.
Therefore, I will be grateful if you could move the sit-in to a date after October 15. Please feel free to contact me if you have any questions.
Regards
Mareez Khan,
Peshawar.

Oops, my bad
Dear Sir,
A man who had fired his gun at cricket legend Waseem Akram during a fit of road rage has made a public, written apology for his action.
Following his example, the Taliban should also write a public apology for attacking so many of other heroes. We know that those actions were also carried out in rage, and our nation will be willing to forgive them if they truly regret their error of judgment.
Regards
Dilawar Darpok,
Gujranwala.

A business opportunity
Dear Sir,
A very interesting new business opportunity has emerged recently that I would want to share with your readers. As the anniversary of the 1965 war approaches, businesses and corporations can use nationalistic songs to exploit people’s emotions so that they buy their products. This will be a feasible and cost-effective way of using people’s love for their country to make huge profits, especially because it will save your company a lot of money in new commercials, using patriotic songs in the background, sometimes without asking.
This is a limited-time opportunity. I urge Pakistan’s traders to give it a try.
Regards
Kamran Karobari,
Karachi.

The author has a degree in Poetics of Prophetic Discourse and works as a Senior Paradigm Officer. He can be contacted at harris@nyu.edu. Follow him on Twitter 

ePaper - Nawaiwaqt