Discipline is the key to achieving goals and accomplishment in life, and every individual aspires to lead a disciplined life. How to create work-life balance is an age-old debate rooted in our primary years, where a child’s life is engineered by parents from morning to evening, school to home. Parents take pride in raising a child in a strict and disciplined way, where time is fixed for every activity of his/her life, and there is a belief that this habit in the primary years will lead to a disciplined and successful adult. Yet, the reality on the ground is that many successful adults are experiencing mental health challenges, especially depression and anxiety, and find themselves burnt out and ineffective in life.

The challenge with leading a disciplined life in a regimented way is that a person will burn out faster and at some given point of life, will give up out of sheer exhaustion. Imagine running nonstop while you are full of energy and zeal, and no matter what, you will run out of fuel and stop and fall on the ground because your body cannot be pushed anymore. Pushing our limits even under the garb of discipline and drive towards success will lead to mental exhaustion and in turn physical because the body keeps a score even though the conscious mind is not. A highly disciplined person who believes in not letting any ball drop has a hyper-activated nervous system, which will release excessive cortisol that lowers the immune system and makes one prone to physical issues. Making anything in life a ‘fixed figure’ be it a life goal and striving towards a hyper energetic state is mostly rooted in fear of failure and leads to many other areas being neglected like interpersonal relationships, psychological growth, and the ability to be regulated and containment.

The key to success is not to win the race and reach the finish line but to get there in a mentally and physically healthy state. When there is an overdrive with a harsh disciplined life, we are manifesting fear of failure rather than success as we keep pushing ourselves relentlessly.

So how to be a disciplined adult who can strike the perfect balance between work and life without the harsh inner critic driving him/her and shaming him to believing that failure is inevitable if the individual takes a moment to catch his/her breath. In our part of the world, parenting is pushing the child in the name of care to the point where the adult believes that non stop running is the key to success and if they pause to catch their breath, they will end up failing.

Discipline is the key to success. Following a structure undoubtedly brings stability and safety to the psyche. If there is chaos outside, it will be internalized too. But, divide your life into these parts of self-care and carve time for each of them. This includes physical, psychological, emotional, and spiritual self-care as well as relationship and professional self, and notice what is ‘too much’ in your life. Strive for balance among work, family, relationships, play, and rest. Most importantly, applaud small moments of success and be kind to yourself if you fail. Remember that the journey is what is in our control and the destination is not. Plan your life but only to the point where it doesn’t have the energy of too much control and allow space to take a day off in life.

So practice soft discipline. Slow Down. Breathe. Feed yourself with empathy and starve criticism and you will find yourself achieving what you desire holistically and healthily.

Zara Maqbool
The writer is a BACP (British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy) accredited individual and couple psychothe-rapist based in the UK. She can be reached at zaramaqbool@yahoo.com or her official website.