The Nobel Prizes are awarded annually by the Royal Swedish Academy of Sciences, the Swedish Academy, the Karolinska Institute, and the Norwegian Nobel Committee to individuals and organizations that make outstanding contributions in the fields of chemistry, physics, literature, peace, and physiology or medicine. They were established by the 1895 will of Alfred Nobel, which dictates that the awards should be administered by the Nobel Foundation. Each recipient, or "laureate", receives a gold medal, a diploma, and a sum of money, which is decided by the Nobel Foundation every year.

Over the years it is felt that the Nobel Prizes are not awarded to the recipients on merit, especially considering the immense potential available in Pakistan which can outclass any competitor in the world. Starting from organizations to the individuals, we have excelled in every walk of life with impeccable distinctions.

We are the only “Gang Rape Friendly” country on the face of earth where this act has become our national sport and favorite past-time. Pakistan has a total area of 796,095 Sq. Km. According to a report by an NGO; we have the highest number of gang rapes taking place per square kilometer. Has any country ever achieved this excellence? Definitely not! This needs a deeper insight into the physiology of our nation. Alfred Nobel very rightly included the field of physiology for the Nobel Awards thus giving an opportunity to our people to stand among the nations and claim this prize. 

Another distinction was achieved by Muttahida Qaumi Movement candidate Nabil Gabol recently who won the NA-246 seat from Karachi against the Jamaat-e-Islaami candidate by getting 108,000 votes. The total votes cast in 10 hours of polling time were 108,000, thus the votes cast per hour or in 60 minutes come to around 10,800. A simple mathematical calculation will lead to calculating the number of votes cast per minute to be 180 and per second to be 3. So for every second around 3 votes were cast thus bringing to shame the research in Physics done by the scientists working on Nuclear Accelerators to enhance the speed of the particles equivalent to that of speed of light. 

Nobel Prize winner’s committee members should be given free tickets to fly to the Khyber Pakhtunkhwa Province and taken to a local cinema house where they should be tied to the seats and forced to watch our Pushto films. The gyrating of the body parts by our over aged actresses who display their excessive flesh in every conceivable direction with lightning speed is a treat to watch. It is said that the “squint eye” ailment suffered by many can be cured by simply making them watch these acrobatics. So here goes the Nobel Prize in Medicine to our Pushto film industry. 

Corruption is our second religion; if not the first. We have institutionalized it to give it a touch of fairness. We have institutions designed to curb corruption that, ironically, end up adding their own share to the loot. The daily corruption in Pakistan is to the tune of Rs 7 billion. This comes to Rs 291.66 million per hour, Rs 4.86 million per minute, and 0.081million (Rs 81,000) per second. So, for all practical reasons, we ensure the flow of money, even when we are sleeping. We have no match. We deserve to be awarded, even if we have to pay for this.

After nearly 30 years of research, scientists working with CERN's (The European Organization for Nuclear Research) Large Hadron Collider announced the discovery of the God Particle, formally known as the Higgs boson. The Higgs boson is the final missing piece of the Standard Model, the theory that explains the basic building blocks of our universe. Scientists believe that in the first fraction of a second after the Big Bang, particles zipped around the universe at the speed of light with no mass, and no inertia. It was only through their interaction with the "Higgs field" that they acquired mass and were capable of forming the universe.

To put it plainly, if a particle has a zero mass, it can travel with the speed of light, the maximum achievable speed possible. This discovery was made by our Government servant’s way back in 1947. These particles (read Government Servants), with zero mass (no-conscience) can attain a speed greater than that of speed of light (3 x 108 meters/second) by reaching their homes fifteen minutes earlier than the official closing time despite leaving the office on time. This is a remarkable achievement which no scientist has ever deciphered. 

It is very humbly suggested to the Nobel Prize Organization to include the representation of our Country in all future decision making processes to enable them to award these prizes strictly on merit. We are sure that this step will ensure transparency and take care of various controversies pertaining to the award of the prize to individuals with very ordinary credentials.

The writer is a PhD in Information Technology, alumni of King’s College London and a social activist. He is life member of the Pakistan Engineering Council and senior international editor for IT Insight Magazine. He has authored two books titled Understanding Telecommunications and Living In The Grave and several research papers. The writer prefersto avoid human interaction and finds peace & happiness being alone, in silence with his own self.