Perhaps the only reason my friends and colleagues refer to me as a ‘good conversationalist’ is that I listen while they talk. What’s often missed is that a true conversation requires participation from both sides—it takes two to tango.

By definition, conversation is an exchange between two or more individuals. Even the quiet reflections we have within ourselves are a form of dialogue between the mind and the soul.

For conversations to reach their highest level of authenticity, they must be free from all superficiality. Any style that relies on the superiority of speed or knowledge will be short-lived. The quality of management is directly influenced by the nature of conversations within an organisation. A conversation is much more than just words—it includes eyes, smiles, and the pauses between expressions. As the saying goes, “A conversation is eyes, smiles, and the silence or pause between words.”

For any conversation to be meaningful, it must be truthful, relevant, and gracious. Irrelevance or disorganised thoughts hinder the proper understanding of the subject at hand.

We live in a connected and interdependent world where geographical distances have shrunk, and interaction between diverse cultures and languages has grown exponentially. The speed of modern travel has facilitated dialogue and discussion. The art of conversation lies in hearing as much as being heard. Only through conversation can we harness diverse opinions and guide them toward a harmonious conclusion.

Open conversations spark creativity. There are times when individuals with critical information remain silent due to a lack of confidence. Curiosity fuels discussions, but it must be controlled and not lead to discord. As Oscar Wilde wrote, “The bond of all companionship is conversation.”

A good conversation isn’t just about saying the right things at the right time. It’s also about knowing when to hold back from saying the wrong things, even when tempted. As William Shakespeare said, “Conversations should be pleasant without scurrility, witty without affectation, free without indecency, learned without conceitedness, novel without falsehood.”

Conversations create connections that lead to the sharing of innovative ideas and a deeper understanding of different cultures, markets, and perspectives. Silence is a powerful conversational tool—it should only be broken when something better than silence can be said. As the Japanese proverb suggests, “The silent one is the one to listen to.”

The rhythm and flow of spoken words can create a deep connection between conversationalists. Non-verbal communication, though sometimes misunderstood, remains a powerful element of conversation. Listeners are given the chance to reflect on the speaker’s point of view. Conversation depends on the exchange of ideas, not just on wit or oratory.

While conversations can be exhilarating and stimulating, monologues can become tiresome and difficult to endure. Senior colleagues should be given the chance to express themselves freely but with enough restraint to encourage productive dialogue. As Rebecca West noted, “There is no such thing as a conversation. There are intersecting monologues, that is all.” Conversations cannot be a one-way street.

An impromptu remark can spark great discussion. Conversations reveal character and traits, so it’s important to engage with people who inspire, bring happiness, and offer wisdom.

Leaders and managers seeking the full attention of their colleagues must offer their undivided attention in return. There should be no distractions, like answering a phone call or checking one’s mobile during a conversation. Such behaviour should be considered socially unacceptable and harmful to healthy conversations. Good managers, through verbal and non-verbal cues, encourage feedback and draw silent members into the discussion. A lack of conversation breeds dissatisfaction within the workforce.

Some managers tend to overburden their audience, seeking to dominate conversations—a habit that stifles the free flow of ideas. Those who spend too much time praising themselves reflect “conversational narcissism,” a sign of conceit, not leadership.

Conversations shouldn’t be performances for show. They should be free from theatrics and devoid of efforts to impress with verbosity or intellectual posturing. Eye contact is essential, and there must be no indecency in the choice of words.

Ralph Waldo Emerson once said, “Put any company of people together with freedom for conversation, and a rapid self-distribution takes place into sets and pairs. All conversation is an imaginative experiment.” To spark a worthwhile conversation, one must know how to break the ice. Sharing personal anecdotes can help build mutual understanding and set the tone for meaningful discourse.

Those leading conversations must possess the ability to inspire calm and confidence. Personal charisma and a degree of eloquence are necessary to guide discussions toward productive outcomes. Ultimately, conversations should bring people together, not drive them apart.

Sirajuddin Aziz
The writer is a retired senior army officer with experience in international relations,