Eid is super boring in the United States.

For one thing, it's never on a holiday; unless it's the weekend and then, that's a weekend not a holiday.  Of the two Eidain, Fitr is still fun since it's the day you get your life back after an entire month of self-restraint, salvation and such. Eid-ul-Azha, however, is a different story.

We all know exactly why this Eid was ever ordained by God Almighty. Yes, that's right. So, we could all have our own bakra and eat it too. I mean honestly, if it wasn't for this one day, why in hell would hot shots and hot shots wannabes ever step into the bakra mandi and actually count teeth of various animals and pay exorbitantly to buy the one that promises best tikkay ever?

However, in the States, none of that happens.

There are no bakra mandis in my city. Hence, there is no joy of going there, checking out a thousand goats until we find the one, bringing it home three days before Eid to feed it, to let it poop all over the yard and annoy the hell out of neighbors with ungoldy vocals at all hours.

Since there are no bakra mandis, there are no bakras to buy and sacrifice either. (Nahiiiiii!!) Can you believe that? Oh, the audacity of the kuffar! They have no idea what fun it is to pet your goat/cow/camel/lamb for the last time, to take it for a walk a day before the day, to feed it a minute before the hour, and the second the knife comes down, and the weak-hearted faint and the brave butcher does his job and Walahi! You dance your way into heaven at the very beats of 'Qurbani! Qurbani! Qurbani! Allah ko pyari hai qurbani!'

Er...okay. Not quite. But you still have a claim to heaven surely after this, especially if your animal was the most expensive in your family/neighborhood/town/country/I can go on.

In the States, like I was complaining earlier, we have none of this. No bakra, no sacrifice and no remnants of your good deed splattered all across the neighborhood streets either. These Americans are like really hyper about cleanliness – as if that's something close to godliness. How else is one to show off how much one is truthful in believing God when there are no traces of blood or ojris anywhere to be seen?

It doesn't end there.

You have no idea how it feels to not have been asked in ages what in God's name will we be sacrificing this Eid and how much did it cost and why? And please, don't even get me started on the farms here that offer this service. That's neither traditional nor satisfactory. No bloody mess. No Eid-ul-Azha.

Eid day in the States is like any other day except for Eid prayers. It's a very colorful sight, indeed, with ultra-diverse masses pouring in from the Muslim community left, right and center. However, there is some sectarian decorum with regards to Shia and Sunni in prayers and mosques. (Alhamdolilah, or where would our religion be if everyone was united, eh?)

So yes, they have their Eid prayers and we have ours but as far as private celebrations and parties go, it's a different story. We all party together: the BBQs, the potlucks, the dinners, and special activities for children where they learn about Hajj and Eid and Prophet Abraham's sacrifice. The dress code is obviously total bling with perfect mauj-mode on!

Recently, NYC public schools announced to remain closed for Eid in recognition of American Muslims, hence, the New Yorkers might've had more fun this year compared to those who still had school.

On a community level, there are various get-togethers organized by Muslims that sometimes invite non-Muslims to the event as well. This is seen as an opportunity to reach out to the larger community and to branch out, to expose the culture that we or our ancestors brought to America with them. Events like Chaand Raat aren't celebrated in marketplaces but at community halls and are just as precious. And goras die for our bling and tikkay.

So, here's to all those bakray we couldn't get our hands on personally (apt lifafa was sent back home as contribution for hissa in qurbani) for yet another year, to all those who did get their hands on them, the ever-flavorful meat dishes that we will still churn out of our kitchens because long live the butcher, to the Hajjis, and to the memory of that one honest sacrifice that told the true tale of submission and everlasting love.

Eid Mubarak! Khair Mubarak! And Hajj Mubrook!