Today, damsels and blokes, I am at Capital’s katcheri reporting live and bringing you a a tale so riveting that you’ll say ‘WOW’ when I am done. Bear it with me as it has chunks of comic relief too.

So, here I start, folks.

Recently an advocate died in Islamabad. He was ill for many months and many among the legal fraternity awaited anxiously for an sms that reads  ‘Senior Advocate Supreme Court, High Court, Shariah Court, Banking Courts, Anti-Terrorism Court, and District and Sessions Court and Civil Courts (Including Family Courts and Other Courts) Mr. So-and-So has (finally and at last) passed away. His namaaz-e-janaza will be offered after Maghrib in…… near F-10 Markaz, Islamabad. It is requested that you participate in the last rites and pray for the soul of deceased in hereafter’.

And the SMS came around 7 in the evening yesterday. The advocate in question gave up the ghost (He died).

Sources told that half an hour later around 7.30 p.m. some of the esteemed, vigilant and derring-do Advocates forcibly took possession of his chamber, they broke in, tore apart the nameplates and after settling in their new ‘Pathaa’ ordered the tea along with 1 packet of Zeera Plus Biscuits, 1 packet of Sooper ‘Elaichi-flavored’ Biscuits and a new lock. The Attorneys-at-law after finishing their tea and biscuits, locked the door behind and headed towards the painter’s shop to order a new nameplate for newly-acquired chamber.

The breaking news is that the advocate who died was issue-less (he had no children), his wife too died long ago and his relatives live in Karachi and are scared of the might and main of lawyer community and are not willing to waste their maghaz in courts mentioned above.

At present, more than 50 claimants have surfaced, many of them call themselves as the dead advocates’ ‘Wali-Ehed’, ‘Jaan-Nasheen’, and ‘Moun-Bola Beta/Beti’. Some 30 among them claim to be given nicknames by the deceased advocate. (Thus proving conclusively their right to own the chamber). We also have a dozen female advocates claiming that they were ‘Princesses’, ‘Ranis’ and ‘Guriyaas’ of the deceased while 18 male, adult advocates say that they were either ‘Mithoo’ or ‘Shehzada’ of dead advocate.  

The atmosphere at katcheri reeks of deceit and conspiracy.

Since all the young ones were busy to get hold of what came to be known as ‘Katcheri’s Kashmir’. We somehow managed one senior advocate, aged 96, to talk about the issue at hand.

“Alhamduliallah, I have 7 sons and 1 daughter. All of them, in turn have scores of kids, even their kids have 4 or 5 kids. I don’t precisely remember the number of my great grand children now. The reason why I’ll die in peace is that I managed to make a lawyer out of a grandson of mine. He already sits regularly at my chamber though he does property business to run his kitchen and car and to pay the utility bills of the chamber, but his degree is genuine and original. So, my chamber is safe for now,’ he said when asked about the issue.

Islamabad Bar has decided to take stern action against those involved in such ‘un-lawman-like’ act. A plan is also under consideration to erect a memorial on the site after razing down the chamber thus permanently solving the ‘inheritance’ issues.

Naazreein, it’s a developing story and we really need to fool ourselves that it’ll end differently. Stay tuned we will be right back with more of the same that looks different but is actually not.

Before going on the break, here enjoy a romantic Urdu couplet, written by the deceased advocate.

Bara mushkil sawaal pooch liya tum naey,
Mujhay bei-haal ker kaey mera haal pooch liya tum naey.
Karamaat tau kerti hei thee, aaj maujzaa hei ker diya,
Pass bula kaey, samjhaa kaey, meray haal paey choorh diya tum naey.

His book titled, Zakham Gehray Tau Nahin? is readily available on payment of Rs. 300/- at Bar Room Canteen.