Let’s make one thing clear, I am on the CII’s (Council of Islamic Ideology) side.
They have personally taken up the responsibility to protect women, and we all know that is the most impossible and unwanted job that no one wants to do in Pakistan; there just seem to be too many women everywhere!
The Women’s Protection Bill was passed by the government a little while back without them even asking the CII if they were doing the right thing or not. The idiots’ concerns were just the silly laws and women; they did not even stop to consider whether the CII would consider them as Islamic or not.
Initially, there was this really dumb law, which stated that if a man assaults his wife (we are talking about full on beating black and blue assault putting her life in danger here), the man would have to leave the house so he does not harm her further. Now the CII was very clear about this when they said it was against the dignity of a man to have to leave the house in such a way. The result of this would be the families breaking up.
How right they were. I mean which woman would not want to live with a man who beats her black and blue to set her right! What woman would not want to live with a man she is terrified of. And obviously a man who beats his wife is a man with dignity. It is only when he is made to leave the house, he loses it! Let’s also not forget that a divorced woman is one who has brought shame to her family.
With all this ensuing chaos, Mufti Imdadullah of JUI-F and all the male members of the CII had no choice but to step in and take matters in their own hands.
Under the guidance of Maulana Sherani, they created a bill of 163 key points which will protect women as well as the rights of husbands so that their dignity does not go on vacation. One stone, two birds. No stoning here does not mean stone the woman.
The first and most probably the most important point which protects women is giving husbands the permission to lightly beat their wives. No no no, not 50 shades type beating. Get your head out of the gutter please.
Obviously, if a woman attacks her husband with a weapon, or is a dacoit who robs and then shoots people on her motorbike, the husband really should be allowed to protect himself and others by using a little light beating as defense.
They were even kind enough to say to not leave a mark when beating the horrendous and sinning wife.
Which is exactly what CII is saying in their carefully thought out proposal.
The husband is allowed to lightly beat his wife if:
- She defies his commands and refuses to dress up the way he chooses.
D’uh! Every woman out there wants to smack her husband who walks around the whole house in his underwear 24/7, it is only fair that the same happen to women.
- She refuses him in bed.
This basically means she is not allowed to have a headache. (The things these Western TV shows teach us to lead us astray! Hmth!) The word “NO” is not acceptable!
- She does not take a bath after intercourse or menstrual periods.
Oh, the poor CII people must really be surrounded by uber stinky people, if they had to add bathing as a clause! I only wish they added deodorant to the list too! ‘The person who thy smell before thy see, shall be beaten..lightly.. and from a distance in case thy faint!’
- If she does not wear a hijab.
But wait, isn’t hijab a woman’s liberating freeing ‘personal’choice? Must check memo.
- If she interacts with strangers.
I agree, these darned extremist tharkis are always staring at women. If a woman is veiled, then they stare at her ankles like it is a chicken tikka. They are always on the lookout for wives number 3 and 4 and 5! CII is surrounded by such folks so they definitely know what they are talking about when they say don’t talk to strangers! This goes especially for the wives who are 10 and 12 years of age, you know they like them young!
- Speaks loud enough to be heard by strangers.
Exactly, would you want to hear Amir Liaquat’s loud voice in public? No, right? So, if you stub your toe or something and want to make a sound, think of your husband. You throat will close up and choke taking away your voice completely. No stranger will ever hear you. If a voice escapes, think of Amir Liaquat. It will go straight back in.
So far so good, I think. I don’t see anything wrong.
The CII’s proposal also states that there should be a ban on:
- Co-education after primary education.
What they forgot to mention and will do so in the next update (I think) is that since their suggestion will ensure that mostly boys get to go to school, the CII will create an equal number of educational facilities JUST for women with qualified (female) teachers too. This is to make sure that both men and women have equal opportunities in getting an education.
I think….No no…. I am sure…… I am certain they thought this through…..I think.
- Ban on women from taking part in military combat.
Nusaybah bint Ka’ab fought with the Prophet and took part in major events. In fact she was the Prophet’s personal protector in the Battle of Uhud where she killed many to save him. You know what happened to her? She ended up with 13 wounds. And since this is a proposal to protect women, wounds on women can’t be allowed. Unless it is their (CII approved) husbands inflicting them of course.
- Ban on welcoming foreign delegation.
If they go to welcome them, who will cook dinner for the delegations? Feeding the delegations is more important. The obvious things the CII has to write for the dumbos of our country!
- Going out with ‘Na-Mehram’ men.
Do you really want to go out with a guy who thinks your ankles are chicken tikkas? Or maybe even malai botis? I think not. Trust me, the CII knows the men they are surrounded with! Also, with the current trend of honor killing, I think it would be nice to keep one’s neck and other bits intact.
- Ban on dance, music, and sculptures created in the name of art.
How can one not agree to this? These days forgotten glasses are photographed as art. As for Music, the CII must have heard Kanye West. America must apologize for this.
The CII were also really kind enough to state some of the things women are allowed to do as well.
- A woman can join politics.
Benazir Bhutto, Hina Rabbani Khar, Maryam Nawaz and others joined politics without knowing they were allowed to? Do their families know?
- Three-year jail time if a non-Muslim is forced to convert.
Don’t we know this already? Oh, we are so stupid, we had to be told this again and in writing. The CII really can’t help it.
- If she reverts to her previous faith she will not be killed.
Uhm, thank you?
Wait, so does this mean if a Muslim woman converts to another religion, she will be killed? DNA is allowed to be used here to confirm the right person was killed? But still not for rape victims, right? Just making sure.
A ban on dowry was placed too. I have to admit I thought it had been already in practise before and it was our wretched people who refused to acknowledge it.
Throwing acid on women should be thoroughly investigated was a key point added. This one is very important I feel because earlier on, acid was thrown, the woman taken to hospital (if she got lucky) and the man (culprit) went on to find other victims. At least now it will be investigated so that everyone knows for sure that the victim did not douse herself with acid and blame someone else. Then she can go to hospital and the man can continue on to prey number 2.
Breastfeeding will be done for 2 years! Yes, because Men know best! Not mothers. Men! Men we don’t even know personally.
There are so many more clauses in the proposal that I can’t really mention them all here. For example, the clause which states that children are only to be taken care of, not married to. That bacha baazi will be banned and anyone who takes part in the abuse will be jailed. That all rape victims will be not be blamed and given justice instead. Oh wait, sorry I was looking at the wrong list. My apologies.
But still, I will reiterate, I am on CII’s side!
